Wings @ Coyotes - How not to play in the postseason

Red Wings 3-6 Coyotes
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Sludge.


1st Period

• 10:45 ... Brad Stuart takes a horrifying, head-first dive into the boards. If you were to draw up a scene in which a player paralyzes himself in a hockey game, that would've been it. Somehow, thankfully, he gets up with help and stood on his own two feet on his way to the dressing room. When it first happened, and they cut to Stuart and he was in a motionless heap, my split second reaction was that he broke his neck. That shit was frightening.

• 10:22 ... Ok that was much too heavy a start ... uh, Sammy hits the post. That fuck. Alright that felt better.

• 10:01 ... And no sooner do I finish off that sentence does Sammy pick a 6x6 inch corner for a beautiful goal. God that was an awesome shot, 1-0 Wings. (I love how Phoenix was "covering" him on this play. He had 3 whole days to shoot. If this power play were a night club, the other four Wings would be hot women and Sammy would be the chick that you recognized from a herpes commercial.)
  

• 4:53 ... Derek Morris' one-timer bomb makes it 1-1.
  

• 0:00 ... My interpretation of the John Keating/Samuelsson 1st intermission interview:

Keating -- "So were you trying to make sure you just hit the net with that goal?"
Samuelsson -- "You're a dick."

2nd Period

• 0:00 ... "Brad Stuart's return for this game is 'questionable." No fuck? Did the guy who relayed this information even see what happened to him? Shit, I'M questionable to finish this game after seeing that. I'm still shocked that his status is anything other than "vegetable".
  

• 15:51 ... Another big blast from the 'Yotes makes it 2-1 Phoenix. Conk might want that one back.
  

• 12:46 ... The Captain keeps this slapshot thing going to tie the game at 2. It's his first slapshot goal of the year.

• 12:00 ... Nick follows that up by saving Conklin's ass by poke-checking a puck away on a wraparound attempt. Huge.

• 7:45 ... ...and then He makes a crafty steal at the Phoenix blue line that nearly leads to a goal; and it would've been if the ensuing pass he made was to anybody but Homer. I'm trying to say he's having a good game.

• 4:41 ... Hossa is going to get his ass chewed completely off by Babcock for the heinous brain shit he just took. Huge turnover leads to an odd man rush and a goal. 3-2 Coyotes. Just an inexplicable play. It looked like he forgot what hockey was for a second. And by the time he pulled his head out of his colon, Phoenix had the lead.

• 0:50 ... The Triple Deke Larry Murphy Quote of the Night:
  

Ken Daniels: "Look at Pavel ... you think he's trapped and he somehow finds a way out."
Murph: (short pause) "That is so true."

I guess you had to hear it to appreciate it.

• 0:05 ... Nick lets another slapper go, and it either hits the defenseman or Homer's stick before deflecting in. Right before the break, it's 3-3. (They gave the goal to Lidstrom initially).
  

3rd Period

• 18:00 ... Jovanovski makes it 4-3 Phoenix. The Wings just can't seem to string anything good together without the Coyotes shooting back. Conk just made a huge save seconds afterward, however.

• 13:11 ... Things are on the verge of falling apart as the Yotes notch another. Enver Lisin does the loose-puck deke move from NHL 09 and it's 5-3 them.
  

• 1:44 ... I've mailed in the last 10 minutes of gametime. We're losing to the fucking Coyotes. Empty net = 6-3. Game.

Final

• Injuries: Datsyuk left the game early with a hip injury. Now, along with Lidstrom, he will hold out of the All Star Game (Lidstrom because of what is probably a pretend injury) ... Mule is out, Stuart's dead, and I'm sure Hank is due for his annual back mishap. Sorry for my pessimism but I can't help but hark back to last year's injury clusterfuck, which was right around this time of the season.
  

• Zetterberg was -4.
  

• Top 3 Wings:

18) Marian Hossa

3) Brad Stuart -- For walking. Funny, this wouldn't have happened if not for the line juggling that put him on the left side of Chelios.

2) Pavel Datsyuk

1) Nick Lidstrom