March 10, 2009

Dan Cleary said it::

"It's not going to happen again."

If nothing else, at least these guys are owning up to the apathetic product they've put on the ice the last two Saturdays. (Rubs chin in deep thought) hmmm, "Saturdays" .... we've heard that word thrown around a lot since the weekend. Could the day of the week -- and not the team's effort -- be the biggest concern here?

Well for the first time in months I actually looked something up. The Internet says the Wings are 5-1-2 on Tuesdays this season, which is pretty good, but the only regulation loss was a 6-3 AIDS-fest against Phoenix on January 20th. So clearly the Wings need to be ready as the Coyotes roll into town tonight. Because it's Tuesday. And nothing else.

Anyway, back to my original thought. "It's not going to happen again" is just the type of thing I like to read from the players themselves. It strays a bit from the usual cliche-filled course that every Red Wing seems to have been instructed to follow (I think it's in each player's contract to say, "We're taking it one game at a time" anywhere between 30 t0 50 times per season -- unless that person is Nick Lidstrom, who's been forced for whatever reason to comprise his English vocabulary solely with cliched phrases that are common to American sports and nothing else) and I enjoy that. Hank said the loss was "Disgusting". Disgusting, man, that's a good word to hear from a player who doesn't want to go through that again. Raf compared Saturday's loss to Nightmare on Elm Street. Amazing. You know, for a hockey player, that's fucking creative.

Now, you'll have to excuse me because I hardly ever take vacations like this. Or leave Michigan, even. Or Lansing. Fuck, it's parade-worthy if I leave my living room to be honest with you. So now that I'm at the country's dick tip, chillin' on beaches and eating fried Alligator every night, I feel out of the loop. It's bizarre down here. Toilets spin the other way when you flush them, people walk on their hands instead of their feet, dogs hump cats, and most of all, the news from Detroit comes out all jumbled.

If I read correctly, Babcock isn't too happy right now. I hear that he took the team to a local prison to do one of those "Scared Straight" things, where prisoners yelled and spat in the faces of each Red Wing about the repercussions of not backchecking. One guy went on a tirade for 45 minutes in succession without so much as taking a breath because Franzen rolled his eyes when a prisoner mentioned "gap coverage". Apparently Hudler got so intimidated during this sequence that he puked, and now he's questionable to play tonight. I don't know, sounds like some frightening shit to me. Hope it worked.

I've heard that Jonathan Ericsson is 6'5", but I can't confirm this until I get back home. Too much information to handle at one time.

I also heard that they are allowing Homer's ass to play tonight, but the rest of his body is still scratched.

And the last thing that I heard is that Rick Nash is still playing for the BJ's and indeed is not a member of the Phoenix Coyotes at this moment. I double checked like 26 times. Had to be sure of that one. I'm so petrified of that man now that he invades my darkest of dreams, screaming in Arabic tongues while wielding a machete that still has the bloody residue of all his victims, threatening to sever my genitalia and set fire to my entire village, all while having raucous unprotected sex with my grandmother.

This is the type of season that we've had to this point.

2 comments:

Chris Moore said...

Fuck Nash.

The Triple Deke Staff said...

That's the Comment Of The Year right there, and I'm serious.