March 16, 2009

Philly's Scott Hartnell solved a rubix cube once

Hartnell, on NHL Live:

"Be physical with Datsyuk and Zetterberg, take away their space and we should come out with a win."

This revelation is nothing new from the mouth of Hartnell (which reports say is loaded with Syphilis). Here are some other nuggets of knowledge that mankind had not conceived until he spoke today:
  • "All we have to do is score more goals than Detroit and we'll have a chance."
  • "Substitute players when we're tired and we can stay rested."
  • "If we drink water while we're on the bench, we won't become thirsty."
  • "When skating forward with enough momentum, you can come in contact with an opposing player and knock him down."
  • "The entire time that I'm not sleeping, I'm awake."
  • "Brushing your teeth prevents tooth decay and gingivitis."
  • "Don't yell 'there's a bomb on the plane' and your flight will go much more smoothly."
  • "Drugs are bad."
  • "Rubbing your dick in broken glass is unwise."
  • "Don't try to eat a live grizzly bear."
  • "Having sex with your own mother is both socially unacceptable and awkward."
  • "Having sex with your grandmother is equally if not vastly more unacceptable and awkward."
  • "Poop is not an adequate form of nutrition."
  • "Aside from Datsyuk and Zetterberg, the Red Wings aren't that good if you take away Hossa, Lidstrom, Hudler, Franzen, Rafalski, Kronwall and Holmstrom. And their coaching sucks except for Mike Babcock."

(Note: Scott Hartnell did not say any of those things. Or did he.)


JB said...

I also liked his matter of fact take on his glove throwing experiment against Malone...

“I was out there for a long shift at the end and I was chasing Malone from behind. It was a desperation play. I threw the glove. Looking back, it was kind of a stupid play.” -Scott Hartnell

Or as his coach said:
“I was thinking that he wasn’t [thinking],” Flyers coach John Stevens

Tyler said...

I can't believe I forgot about the glove thing, I almost feel ashamed for not embedding it, or at least mentioning it.


Here's what I posted earlier about this over at A2Y:

“Be physical with Datsyuk and Zetterberg, take away their space and we should come out with a win.”

Yeah, exactly like Hartnell did while getting owned night in and night out while playing for Bubba? Didn’t he try getting physical with Fisch one night and got his nose broken? Yeah, that happened. What a tool.

Like Hartnell is some sort of Selke candidate. Ass

Anonymous said...

Just a random (and sobering) fact: poop from average western person has more nutrition content than what majority of people in Africa eat daily.