Wrist Shooting

Western Conference Finals, Game 1

Red Wings 5-2 Blackhawks

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TTD leads the league in shitty screen grabs this season.

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Jonny E caught a case of the rookie blunders early. As a whole, the team was playing like the Lakers in a road playoff game before the Hawks' first goal. Then they woke up and atoned for any missteps.

Brad Stuart is still playing out of his skull. Ozzie's a rock, even if 98% of the country is still clinging to the notion that he sucks based on his regular season numbers. Wake up, the dude's had it turned on for a month now. And Datsyuk and Hossa were alright but are still waiting to break out.

But the guys who have been carrying the team of late continued yesterday.

Cleary now has 11 points (5 goals, 6 assists) in 12 playoff games. He doesn't get to pad his stats on the power play either. He's also leading the team with an absurd plus-13 rating (leads the NHL for that matter). These are the type of numbers that Hossa would be putting up if he weren't secretly injured.

The Wings scored five goals without connecting once on any of their power plays. OK Jeff was clutch with his even-strength info at A2Y, it's right on the money. The Wings matchup too well 5-on-5 with the Hawks to lose this series, unless Khabibulin turns into a literal brick wall.

* All of the Wings goal scorers yesterday are ranked #1-4 on the team in even-strength goals.

* Zetterberg has like 29 empty net goals this season.

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Patrick Kane and Honest Abe were resting or something for most of this game. They had just come off a grueling Game 7 so it's understandable. And they're old and are into their third straight long playoff run. Wait I think part of that is wrong.

Lincoln freed the slaves but he couldn't do any better than a minus 3. Same for Undertaker's brother, who didn't even register a SOG. Game 2 will be different. Joel Quenneville will consult his mustache and make adjustments.

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We caught up with Sammy after the game to discuss his shooting prowess.

TDD: "Wow, first against Jonas Hiller and today against Khabibulin. You're really picking the corners lately -- what's been the key to your success?"

Samuelsson: "PHYSICS."

TTD: "O .... Ok. Care to elaborate at all?"

Samuelsson: "NO."

TTD: "Well shit, why did you agree to do an interv--"

Samuelsson: "YOU SACK SCRAPERS ALWAYS PAINT ME IN AN INACCURATE AND NEGATIVE LIGHT BY QUOTING ME IN ALL CAPS. LIKE RIGHT NOW. I'M WATCHING YOU DO IT. YOU'RE WRITING THIS DOWN AS IF I'M YELLING, LIKE I HAVE A HEARING DISABILITY OR SOMETHING. I'M ACTUALLY ONE OF THE SOFTER SPEAKERS ON THE TEAM. IF ANYONE YOU SHOULD BE QUOTING HUDLER IN ALL CAPS. FUCKER IS ALWAYS SHOUTING LINES FROM PAULY SHORE MOVIES DURING AWKWARD MOMENTS AT PRACTICES AND SUCH. ONE TIME AT A TEAM CONVENTION THEY WHEELED IN VLADIMIR KONSTANTINOV AND JIRI POINTED AND LAUGHED. FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES. I MEAN IT, HE'S AN OBNOXIOUS DOUCHE BAG. SO LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, QUEER-MOS: HAVE YOU SEEN ME ACTUALLY SPEAK BEFORE?"

TTD: "Uh, well yes actually, but really the all-caps thing is just sort of a 'Samuelsson caricature', if you will. Essentially we're just attaching a fake persona to something that vaguely resembles your occasionally goofy appearance on the ice. You know what we're saying, right?"

Samuelsson: "YOU GUYS SUCK. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT GORILLA CROUCH DUDE. HE USED TO BLOG CIRCLES AROUND YOU TURD BURGLARS."

TTD: "We'd have to agree with you on that one. Look, we're sorry for wasting your time. Can we have an autograph at least?"

Samuelsson: "GO FEEL A DICK."

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Around the time we were talking to Sammy, some reporter guy asked Ozzie a question.

Guy: "How were you guys able to keep their young guns off the board today?"

Osgood: "Nick Lidstrom."

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Second City Hockey:

Thank the fucking lord that there's only one more game on NBC this series, and i'll be at the UC for it, so I don't have to listen to it. I swear to God, if I have to listen to Pierre Fucking McGuire talking with Wings jizz spilling out over his lips, I'm going to open the vein on my left wrist and drink my own blood before the reaper comes.

Many a gross thing is said daily here at TTDHQ. And yet, "Wings jizz spilling out over his lips" is pretty fucked up. We'd be fully on board for it if it made any sense .... didn't the Wings, like, play better than the Hawks? Thus the pro-Wing commentary?

And besides, NBC spent about 2 minutes on the actual game during the intermission, and then spent the majority of their time talking about Crosby, the Staal brothers, the Pens/Caps series, swine flu, the economy, and Mike Milbury's book report on "Catcher in the Rye" ... so can't we all just agree that NBC sucks in general in their coverage, and any perceived biases are bred from their overall incompetence? While we're at it, same goes for officiating. It seems way less reasonable to assume that their are well-orchestrated conspiracies of favoritism taking place than just complete stupidity.

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And Finally:

Kris Versteeg made it 2-all early in the third on the power play. The Red Wings have given up a man-advantage goal in a franchise-record 10 straight playoff games.

Babcock:

"We had to keep the streak alive."