June 18, 2009

TTD on the Red Carpet

Blogger has paid our way to Vegas for this year's NHL awards ceremony, so here we are reporting on the festivities. Our beloved Red Wings have three players nominated for various awards: Nick Lidstrom for the Lidstrom Trophy, Chris Chelios for the Masterson, and Pavel Datsyuk for all the others (How Pav snuck his way into the group of Calder finalists is perplexing, but no less amazing). We caught up with the three Winged heroes for a quick chat at a pre-award show party. Here's what they had to say.

Tyler: "Nick, we're honored that you guys could join us. What's it like knowing that you could be named the best defenseman in the sport for a ridiculous 7th time in 8 seasons?"

Lidstrom: "Well, you just try to take it one game at a time. You can't look too far ahead because then I think you lose focus on the task at hand. It's about staying disciplined and taking it period-by-period, shift-by-shift."

Tyler: "Right, right. So, any thoughts on the award itself? Perhaps a word on the other nominees? I hear Mike Green styled his ball hair into a faux-hawk to honor your battle through the testicle injury. I told him that didn't make any sense whatsoever but he was too distracted from making out with his own reflection to respond. Thoughts?"

Lidstrom: "It's all about staying consistent. When you stay consistent you can develop a rhythm, and then you can start winning as a team. It's not about this guy or that guy; it's about all 5 skaters moving as one. From there we can be at our best and achieve anything."

Tyler: "You're aware the season's over, right? You don't have to read from that cliche notepad anymore, you can let loose. So for real, Green's a douche, isn't he? Come on, be honest."

Lidstrom: "I don't think he meant anything by it, I just think he was a young guy caught up in the moment and mobbed by the media. People make mistakes. He's only 21, so it's har---"

Tyler: "No, no no no, not the Crosby thing, we're past that. Focus man: Green, Mike Green. How lame would it be for him to win your own award instead of you? I mean, that would suck right?"

Lidstrom: "We just have to keep moving our legs and take advantage of the scoring chances out there."


Brent: "Okay this seems like a bit of a lost cause ... Moving on, let's bring Pavel into the discussion. Pav, you had an excellent season in 2007-08, taking home the Selke and Lady Byng in addition to the Stanley Cup. It's a long shot, but you could possibly follow this by winning the Hart, Pearson, Selke and Lady Byng tomorrow night. What are your expectations?

Datsyuk: "Oh, no expectation. I do not care. I feel no feelings. I am empty inside."

Brent: "Jesus, Pavel, you look rough. You know you can shave now, don't you? I know this is a tough time and all but you've got to pull it together. And I'm no fashion expert but I'm pretty sure your 'I Farted' t-shirt violates some sort of dress code."

Datsyuk: "I know, I know this. It's Homer's shirt .... Friday night I had nightmare about the Talbot Monster so I burned house down to kill him. I have no clothes. Homer give hand-me-downs from shopping spree from long time ago. Talbot Monster gone?"

Brent: "Well no Pavel, Talbot's not dead ... you burned your house down? Seriously? Shouldn't the police be looking for you?"

Datsyuk: "If you are Talbot, I'm going to be very angry."

Brent: "I'm not Max Talbot, Pavel."

Chris Chelios: "Pav's just a little down, Brent, don't take anything he says seriously. He's not exactly sure what's going on. Pavel, we've been over this: Max Talbot's in Pittsburgh, it's in a different state than where we live. You didn't kill him. You'll play against him again one day. But you did set your house on fire -- that was pretty fucked up."

Datsyuk: "I know, I had to eat the dog so he wouldn't burn to death."

Chelios: "....Understandable."

Tyler: "Man, and I thought we took it bad when you guys lost. He honestly ate his dog?"

Chelios: "I wouldn't doubt it. After we lost to Anaheim in 2007 he broke into his neighbor's house and ate their cat. When the cops found him later, he had covered his entire body with tomato paste and was playing KerPlunk in his garage. Nobody takes losing harder than Pavel."

Lidstrom: "Cheli was probably just caught up in the moment after that Anaheim series, I don't think he meant anything by it. He's a competitor. People make mistakes, he was only 64 at the time, so --"

Tyler: "Enough with the handshake snubs, Nick."

Brent: "Oh yeah, Cheli ditched the handshake line in '07. Can't believe the Pens fans haven't brought that up."

Lidstrom: "As long as the goalie keeps his head up, and bounces keep skating, upper body injuries and trying hard, we'll be right back in this thing. Play our game, full 100% minutes. Effort. One shift at a time."

Brent: "Huh?"

Lidstrom: "I don't even know anymore."


Pointless NHL Award Predictions (i.e: the most pointless thing we've ever posted):

Hart: Alex Ovechkin

Vezina: Tim Thomas

Lidstrom: Mike Green

Calder: Steve Mason

Lady Byng: Pavel Datsyuk

Selke: Mike Richards

Jack Adams: Andy Murray

Masterson: Richard Zednik

Pearson: Alex Ovechkin

Messier Leadership award: Mark Messier



Anonymous said...

This is the greatest thing I've ever read. Datsyuk is hardcore.

TDeters said...

You guys rock. Keep it up. God, I'm so depressed. Losing game seven at home? Are you freaking kidding me?

Chris said...

Jesus fuck that was incredible. I decided to take a sick day to go on the boat (yes I'm a bastard) and I'm sitting here at home laughing out loud alone in my house like a crazy man.

hockeychic said...

Truly wonderful! Thanks for the laugh.

aaron said...

Messier Leadership award: Mark Messier

Hahaha thats funny. Good stuff here, all the Datsyuk and Lidstrom quotes are hilarious, especially the last one.

JR said...

I hear that Z took the loss so hard that he holed up in a Marriot for 4 days with his girlfriend. Hey wait a minute if I had Z's girlfriend I would hole up there and not come out for a month.

cmk said...

The Hubby doesn't even bother to come and check on whether or not I'm okay anymore when he hears me choking in here. He just assumes I'm reading this blog. You guys crack me up.

Big Al said...

Seriously, I laughed til tears came outta me (oddly enough, they didn't come out of my eyes. Weird.) And then I called my wife and demanded she read it. And she laughed til she cried. Then we burned our house down, just in case Talbot was lurking. . .

Kris said...

Oh God, the Talbot Monster...