August 17, 2009

Bertuzzi rumors bring God's existence into question

I've been out and about lately. Part of it is because I've been working like a maniac on my golf game (like you give a shit), and part of it is that I ran and hid in the woods when I started hearing this Todd Bertuzzi nonsense. This is bound to push me through one of those "What does it all mean?" fazes.

As usual, Malik is all over it, including a cut of a radio interview transcript in which Jim Devellano kinda wonders out loud for a while, and ultimately drops the "we hope to sign him within the next week" thing.


And so I ask, would this make an ounce of sense to anyone? Contract details aside, this only seems to create an awkward log jam when you put it all down on paper. He would be like a bigger, uglier Jason Williams; a streaky 3rd line point-producer that doesn't do much else to affect a game, and who most Red Wing fans already loathe.

Neither he nor Williams would be top-6-ers, or at least I would hope. Assuming you'd split them up, one of them would be in hockey hell playing alongside Draper and Maltby (or Eaves) on the 4th line with the clash in styles, not to mention the limited ice time. The only spot that they'd fit together would be on a 3rd line, but the mere thought of that duo would be enough to inspire heroin abuse.

You'd also have to choose whether you'd want to squeeze out Maltby or Eaves, and I'm sure neither of those two wanted to compete for significant ice time this year. Ol' Maltz can get a bit ornery when he sits for any length of time, and I'm sure Eaves would think that he could've signed elsewhere for a guaranteed spot instead of having to take a backseat. Perhaps you really don't give a damn whether Maltby is happy or not, but personally, I say you either cut ties with the guy or you play him. He's been around long enough and contributed enough to the franchise that you don't leave him hanging like that.

All of this adds up to one answer in my mind: there's nowhere to put him to make this work. I tried writing out some lines and they all made me want to throw up on the keyboard. I'm really not prepared to go through that nausea feeling 100 times next season. I stuck behind Kenny on the Williams signing because I firmly believe that it isn't worthy of burning the village down, like some of you out there seemed to think. It works, but you can only have so many "Williamses" out there. One, to be exact. I like what we've got right now,

Datsyuk - Zetterberg - Holmstrom
Leino - Filppula - Franzen
Cleary - Helm - Williams
Maltby - Draper - Eaves

and I don't see a need to stain it with Todd Bertuzzi.


cmk said...

When I read about the possibility of the signing, all I could see were question marks flying out of the top of my head. This is confusing to me.

The Hubby doesn't say much--he lets ME have the meltdowns over the Wings--and he just rolled his eyes and shook his head over the news. (Believe me, for him, that was QUITE a reaction.)

Nick said...

How about.....nevermind, fuck todd bertuzzi.