As you may have heard, Mikael Samuelsson was left of the roster for Sweden's 2010 Olympic squad. It didn't sit with him very well.
"They can go fuck themselves."
No seriously. He said that. It wasn't like somebody had created a terribly inaccurate caricature of him and completely made up something that he had said. This actually happened.
As best friends of the Ilitch's, we've been up close for some of Sammy's finest moments on and off the ice. Now that he's in Vancouver we don't get to see as much of him, but fortunately, (insert contrived excuse to explain how we know what you're about to read.)
Swedish Ice Hockey Association headquarters -- Stockholm
Head coach Bengt-Ake Gustafsson has called Mikael Samuelsson into his office for a one-on-one meeting about the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.
Samuelsson: "HEY COACH NICE TO SEE YOU ON THIS FINE WINTERS MORN'. HOW WAS CHRISTMAS."
Gustafsson: "It was fine, Mikael, please have a seat."
Samuelsson: "MINE WAS EXTRAVAGENT, SINCE YOU ASKED. I GOT A GIFT CARD TO SEARS, WHICH IS SO CONVENIENT BECAUSE I NEED SOME BLACK AND DECKER PRODUCTS FOR OUTDOORS WORK."
Gustafsson: "There's g--"
Samuelsson: "NOT GARDENING THOUGH, I USUALLY LEAVE THAT TO THE MISSUS (chuckles). DO YOU HAVE KIDS."
Gustafsson: "Mikael, we n--"
Samuelsson: "MINE ARE TOO ADORABLE TO CONVEY WITH HUMAN EXPRESSION. TO SEE THE JOY ON THEIR FACES CHRISTMAS MORNING WAS TO LOOK INTO THE EYES OF A YOUNG JESUS -- NOT QUITE A BABY JESUS, BUT A YOUNGER ONE OF ABOUT 5 OR 6 YEARS OF AGE -- AND SHARE AN INTIMATE MOMENT OF COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING THAT SOMETIMES THIS IS A CONFUSING WORLD BUT WITH A PINCH OF GRACE AND SPOONFUL OF GENEROSITY THIS CAN BE A WONDROUS PLACE TO LIVE."
Gustafsson: "Sit down, Mikael."
Gustafsson: "As you know the Olympics are on the horizon and some difficult decisions are going to have to be made. I want to be able to discuss this like men, and to handle it appropriately."
Samuelsson: "I KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, COACH."
Gustafsson: "You do?"
Samuelsson: "YES. AND BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT WHO YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO BE THE CAPTAIN OF TEAM SWEDEN, I WANT YOU TO VIEW A VIDEO I HAVE PREPARED FOR OUR MEETING."
Gustafsson: "That really won't be necessary, Mikael."
Samuelsson: "I INSIST, COACH. I THINK THIS WILL MAKE YOUR DECISION A LITTLE EASIER" (nudges with elbow).
(cassette is put into nearby VCR)
Gustafsson: "..... Mikael, that ...... that is ......"
Samuelsson: "UH COACH, THIS VIDEO PROJECT IS STILL A WORK-IN-PROGRESS, PLEASE RESERVE JUDGMENT UNTIL LATER. UH..."
Gustafsson: "We're getting a little off track here Mikael. I called you in here today to tell you--"
Samuelsson: "DON'T SAY IT COACH -- DO NOT SPEAK THOSE WORDS. DOUGLAS MURRAY MAY BE MORE QUALIFIED BECAUSE HE ONCE CHOKED OUT A WATER BUFFALO TO SAVE A GROUP OF BLIND ABORIGINE CHILDREN, BUT PLEASE, PERHAPS THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND..."
(new cassette is put into VCR)
Gustafsson: (muttering) "This is the dumbest shit..."
Samuelsson: "COACH DID YOU SAY SOMETHING."
Gustafsson: "Mikael you're not on the Olympic roster."
Samuelsson: "YES! THANK YOU C0.... WAIT, WHAT."
Gustafsson: "You didn't make the team, Mikael. You didn't earn a spot."
Samuelsson: "I .... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THIS IS DUMBFOUNDING."
Gustafsson: "Please, just take your A.V. equipment and leave. This has been rather embarrassing for the both of us."
Receptionist: "Sir, is there anything wrong? I thought I heard yelling."
Samuelsson: "HE IS THE ONE WHO IS YELLING. NOT I, SAID THE CAT. THIS WHOLE COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER AND EVERYBODY IN HERE IS AGAINST ME. LADY I WANT YOU TO PICK UP THAT PHONE OF YOURS AND TELL SWEDEN THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES."
Receptionist: "You really want me to tell them that?"
Samuelsson: "Yes. Yes I do."