January 29, 2009

Stars @ Wings - Not to be

Red Wings 2-4 Stars

Good to get back into the swing of things here with a recap. I got insanely sick over the weekend and haven't really recovered until now, but then Dallas had me puking by the end of this game anyway, so my rehabilitation of Snack Packs and Gatorades were all for naught.

Oh yeah, the Datsyuk/Lidstrom suspension thing. No comment. I can't explain it, but that shit annoyed the hell out of me. Both sides of the argument. It's over and done with and erased from my memory.

Zetterberg will be a Wing from now until I'm in my mid thirties. Wow that feels weird to say. Awesome deal by Holland -- if he somehow pulls off Hossa and Franzen, the Internet will break. I won't know what to say.

Speaking of Z, in the last post I went on a whiny tangent where I claimed that he was due for his annual back mishap, and wouldn't you know it, the next game he leaves early with back spasms. I take full responsibility for this. To the both of you Wings fans reading this, I am sorry.

Anyway, onto the loss.

1st Period
  • 20:00 ... In the Wings pregame, John Keating compared the security of Hank's new contract to The Snuggie. I'm aware he's known for (if nothing else) his obscure references, but this is a new low. If Osgood has a good game, I pray that Keating doesn't compare his pads to a Sham-Wow set.
  • 20:00 ... Larry Murphy Quote of the Night -- When asked by Keating what the Hank re-signing means to the team, Murph responds (among other things) with: "... he plays well under the crunch." It's 25 minutes before game time and I'm already closing the pole. "Under the Crunch" cannot possibly be topped.
  • 19:39 ... Marty Turco trips over his tampon string while trying to play the puck behind his net. Possibly a sign of good things to come for the Wings.
  • 17:15 ... Aaron Downey takes his first shift, and makes a hit within the first five seconds. Awesome. All the better that the target was Steve Ott.
  • 10:25 ... Draper plays some glue-like D on Mike Modano (with Modano hanging onto his arm) and gets called for a penalty. If Drapes can't do that without getting called for a penalty, his on-ice contribution to the team is rendered comepletely useless, aside from the faceoffs I guess. Naturally, Dallas scores on the power play. Red Wings o-1 Stars.
  • 9:10 ... Now Chelios gets four minutes for a high stick. Turco couldn't be more happy. Dallas scores again in the first half of the double minor. Red Wings 0-2 Stars.
  • 1:28 ... So Drapes gets kicked out of the circle, Cleary loses the draw and it leads to another Stars goal. So much for ducking class early to catch the start of the game. My god. Red Wings 0-3 Stars.

2nd Period
  • 20:00 ... Conk comes out to start the 2nd Period for Ozzie. I'm certain that somebody is working on a photoshop for The Pensblog as I type this. My only suggestion for the Photoshopper is that when you cut-and-paste that giant penis into Ozzie's mouth, be sure to show an unused box of condoms next to him because he had no protection in this game.
  • 17:00 ... Hossa takes down a dude, commiting like his 400th tripping penalty this year. On the ensuing power play, Conk drifts out of the crease like a toddler stumbling into traffic, and a wrap-around makes the score Red Wings 0-4 Stars.
  • 15:54 ... Red Wings 1-4 Stars. We got one. Hossa gets a little bit of retribution by tipping in Raf's wrister from the point. So we went from "dead" to a slight pulse.
  • 14:26 ... Penalty coming to the Stars and Aaron Downey nearly gets into a brawl with Barch. The crowd is getting back into it ... no, no, no -- don't let yourself think they can win this -- it will only lead to pain and anguish. They fail to convert.
  • 9:10 ... Big play in the game now: Dan Cleary takes a sorta-kinda harmless shot, and Turco nearly pees himself trying to save it. The puck flutters off his blocker behind him, but doesn't quite cross the line. Score remains the same, but Turco might be a little rattled by that. I hope. But, Darryl Sydor gets delay of game for pushing the net off.
  • 7:31 ... Yes I'm trying to beat a dead horse here, but Turco makes a terribly awkward looking save attempt. He nearly broke both his legs trying to slide over for the one-timer save. What in the fuck happens to this guy when he plays at the Joe?
  • 4:49 ... ANDREAS LILJA scores??!! Now I'm convinced. We're winning this bitch. His second of the season, aided by a Kopy screen makes it Red Wings 2-4 Stars. By the way I have no idea what I'm doing with the color-coding of the teams when there's a score. Not a fucking clue. All I know is that I like colors. They are fun.
  • 3:00 ... The Wings are outhitting the Stars 23-10. Downey has like 22 of them. I didn't realize how much I missed Aaron Downey (in a non gay way). Okay I'm a little gay for him.
  • 0:54 ... Ott skates by Conk and knocks his helmet off, leading to a goalie interference call and a few words shared between the two. This game game is really heating up ... potential game of the year stuff.
  • 0:37 ... Oh you're fucking kidding me. Trevor Daley pushes Homer into Turco as Lidstrom scores, and HOMER gets an interference call as the goal gets waved.
  • 0:30 ... Daley needlessly chops at Pav's stick after a whistle, and DATSYUK nearly brawls with him. This is getting insane. And we're headed for a huge 3rd period. Crowd is electric.

3rd Period
  • 13:00 ... seven minutes into this period and both teams have had trouble recapturing the energy of the last period. What in the hell happened. I've had nothing to write. This obviously benefits the Stars.
  • 7:17 ... still nothing to comment on. The Stars have squeezed the excitement out of this game with their 0-0-5 forechecking scheme. At least Steve Ott took another penalty ...
  • 3:47 ... Nothing comes of the power play. Time is very quickly slipping away.
  • 1:46 ... Homer gets called for a penalty when he picks up the puck in a scrum. At least it was funny, I guess.
  • 0:00 ... Stars win.


What a strange game. Stars jump out to a 4-0 lead ... The Wings crawl back to within two and I'm throwing out propoganda like "potential game of the year" nonsense ... a couple of really close no-goals for the Wings ... and then a 3rd period that had almost nothing to write home about. The way it ended reminds me of Game 5 of the conference finals last spring.

It's hard to say that the Homer/interference thing took the wind out the Wings sails, because it occured right at the end of the period and they still appeared to have all of the momentum. But the fact remains that it was yet another bullshit wave-off called on Homer, and a one goal game might've been played differently in the final period. I don't know. I'm not one to shout about conspiracy theories against the Wings, so I won't go there. But it's just too odd how Homer gets called for that so many times. (As I type this, Trevor Thompson is interviewing Turco. "It's a call that I wish they'd make more often," he says. Oh fuck off. You moved into him. Daley pushed him onto you. Eat shit.)

The fact remains that Dallas jumped down our throats early on and deserved the win regardless. It makes me sick to think Turco walked out of here with the win when a couple of bounces here or there could've left him in such a mental wreck that he wouldn't ever win at game at the Joe. It was close, but still so far. Oh well.

January 21, 2009

Wings @ Coyotes - How not to play in the postseason

Red Wings 3-6 Coyotes


1st Period

  • 10:45 ... Brad Stuart takes a horrifying, head-first dive into the boards. If you were to draw up a scene in which a player paralyzes himself in a hockey game, that would've been it. Somehow, thankfully, he gets up with help and stood on his own two feet on his way to the dressing room. When it first happened, and they cut to Stuart and he was in a motionless heap, my split second reaction was that he broke his neck. That shit was frightening.
  • 10:22 ... Ok that was much too heavy a start ... uh, Sammy hits the post. That fuck. Alright that felt better.
  • 10:01 ... And no sooner do I finish off that sentence does Sammy pick a 6x6 inch corner for a beautiful goal. God that was an awesome shot, 1-0 Wings. (I love how Phoenix was "covering" him on this play. He had 3 whole days to shoot. If this power play were a night club, the other four Wings would be hot women and Sammy would be the chick that you recognized from a herpes commercial.)
  • 4:53 ... Derek Morris' one-timer bomb makes it 1-1.
  • 0:00 ... My interpretation of the John Keating/Samuelsson 1st intermission interview:
Keating -- "So were you trying to make sure you just hit the net with that goal?"
Samuelsson -- "You're a dick."

2nd Period
  • 0:00 ... "Brad Stuart's return for this game is 'questionable." No fuck? Did the guy who relayed this information even see what happened to him? Shit, I'M questionable to finish this game after seeing that. I'm still shocked that his status is anything other than "vegetable".
  • 15:51 ... Another big blast from the 'Yotes makes it 2-1 Phoenix. Conk might want that one back.
  • 12:46 ... The Captain keeps this slapshot thing going to tie the game at 2. It's his first slapshot goal of the year.
  • 12:00 ... Nick follows that up by saving Conklin's ass by poke-checking a puck away on a wraparound attempt. Huge.
  • 7:45 ... ...and then He makes a crafty steal at the Phoenix blue line that nearly leads to a goal; and it would've been if the ensuing pass he made was to anybody but Homer. I'm trying to say he's having a good game.
  • 4:41 ... Hossa is going to get his ass chewed completely off by Babcock for the heinous brain shit he just took. Huge turnover leads to an odd man rush and a goal. 3-2 Coyotes. Just an inexplicable play. It looked like he forgot what hockey was for a second. And by the time he pulled his head out of his colon, Phoenix had the lead.
  • 0:50 ... The Triple Deke Larry Murphy Quote of the Night:
Ken Daniels: "Look at Pavel ... you think he's trapped and he somehow finds a way out."
Murph: (short pause) "That is so true."

I guess you had to hear it to appreciate it.
  • 0:05 ... Nick lets another slapper go, and it either hits the defenseman or Homer's stick before deflecting in. Right before the break, it's 3-3. (They gave the goal to Lidstrom initially).

3rd Period
  • 18:00 ... Jovanovski makes it 4-3 Phoenix. The Wings just can't seem to string anything good together without the Coyotes shooting back. Conk just made a huge save seconds afterward, however.
  • 13:11 ... Things are on the verge of falling apart as the Yotes notch another. Enver Lisin does the loose-puck deke move from NHL 09 and it's 5-3 them.
  • 1:44 ... I've mailed in the last 10 minutes of gametime. We're losing to the fucking Coyotes. Empty net = 6-3. Game.

  • Injuries: Datsyuk left the game early with a hip injury. Now, along with Lidstrom, he will hold out of the All Star Game (Lidstrom because of what is probably a pretend injury) ... Mule is out, Stuart's dead, and I'm sure Hank is due for his annual back mishap. Sorry for my pessimism but I can't help but hark back to last year's injury clusterfuck, which was right around this time of the season.
  • Zetterberg was -4.
  • Top 3 Wings:
18) Marian Hossa

3) Brad Stuart -- For walking. Funny, this wouldn't have happened if not for the line juggling that put him on the left side of Chelios.

2) Pavel Datsyuk

1) Nick Lidstrom

January 18, 2009

Wings @ Sharks - Wow

Red Wings 5-6 Sharks

11 goals, 75 shots, a playoff atmosphere and an exciting game to watch. It's easier saying that last one when it's January 18th.

The Sharks kept the Wings at bay to hold their lead in the Western Conference. The home team has won all three meetings so far, so home ice might be worth a shit this year.

While the game was entertaining, it left you with the impression that you didn't see the Wings best effort. They got jumped in their first go-around at HP Pavilion, and then the Sharks wet themselves when they came to Joe Louis on December 18 -- so if one of these teams can hold their own on the road, we could be in for an all-time great playoff series in a few months.


The Sharks got on the board first when they scored less than three minutes into the game, on a goal that was a prelude to some sharp shooting by both teams. It felt like the 40th time this year that the Wings have given up a really early goal. It's probably only been like 32 times, but who cares. Not a good start.

Fil made amends less than two minutes later when he scored his first goal since the last time we played San Jose. FS Detroit immediately cut to a Wings fan in the crowd who was executing one of the 10 worst high fives of all time.

Shortly after, Joe Pavelski erased the happy thoughts by giving the Sharks a 1-goal lead again.


In the 2nd period the Wings got goals from Hossa, Mule and Hank while San Jose picked up two more of their own to make it 4-4 at the end of 40 minutes.

The Hossa goal was absolutely trademark for him. Standing still and perched for a pass on the edge of the left circle, he unleashed a one-timer snap shot to tie the game. If anybody in the league has a quicker shot than this man, it's not by much.


In the 3rd things fell apart on a couple of occasions. Milan Michalek somehow stormed through three Wings with a bouncing puck and made it 5-4 Sharks. Bad goal to give up. But not to be outdone, Patrick Marleau cut through the Detroit back line and received a pass that may or may not have put him offsides, but regardless, the Sharks then had a two-goal lead. Babcock was probably more than a little perturbed with the defending in this game.

(I tried like 10 times to freeze the Marleau/off sides play at the right point, and this was as close as I got. It does not appear that he would've been offsides, and even if he was, it was by a ball hair. So if you're a Wings fan and are crying about this today, suck it up. It shouldn't have happened in the first place.)


January 15, 2009

New Wings Rumor: Annonomous teammate calls Brett Lebda gay

A Lot of buzz is going on in between games out West. From one Elliote Friedman, earlier today...

Henrik Zetterberg, Marian Hossa, Johan Franzen and Jiri Hudler (restricted) are all up, and Zetterberg is testing the Red Wings’ limits. (They gave Hossa a one-year deal equal to Nicklas Lidstrom’s $7.45 million, and a 10-year, $75 million offer to Zetterberg has apparently been rejected (CBC Sports)."

You already know this. Either you obsessively refresh your three, permanently opened tabs of Khan/Malik/MacLeod Red Wing blogs for 12 straight hours like I do, or you got a panicked text from one of your buddies saying that Hank turned down a deal comparable to Hossa's and Lidstrom's. Either way you felt a little nervous. But no need to fear:

"Red Wings center Henrik Zetterberg denied a report by CBC's Elliote Friedman claiming that he has turned down a 10-year, $75 million contract offer from the club. "No, it's not (accurate). Usually I don't want to comment on that but that's not true,'' Zetterberg said Thursday. "I haven't turned down an offer of $75 million" (Khan)."

I flipped the fuck out when I first heard his. Which is typical for me. Sad, embarrasing, but typical. I should know that there's something fishy sounding about a 10-year offer coming from Ken Holland. 10 years is a long ass time, and something that would downright shock me if it were true. The cap is unpredictable. Anything economically-related at this point is unpredictable. 10 years in Red Wing language roughly translates to "You're out of your fucking mind." So in retrospect it was an overreaction to take this tiny "alledged" piece of news and make it the most horrific part of my 2009 so far, but I didn't surprise myself either. Moving on.

Red Wings 4-3 Ducks
  • Dan Cleary completely shat on Scott Niedermayer. Then he about broke his stick whipping a wrister past Giguere. Awesome shot. He has all of the tools to rack up points and probably would if he played for just about any other team, where he would actually see power play time. Did you know he's 3rd on the team behind Datsyuk and Hossa in even-stregnth points per 60 minutes? Ahead of Zetterberg and Franzen (who see about a minute and a half-per-game more ice time?)
  • The Hudler goal looked sweet. While I like seeing Pav humiliate defenders just as much as the next guy, I equally like a good slapshot goal. Mainly because I think it takes some stones to pull it off. Huds caught a lucky break on the dump in, but if just grips and rips and completely misses, he's a total fuck up. Of his 17 goals, 4 of them have come via the slapper.

January 14, 2009

Datsyuk Appreciation Day

I woke up this morning to a buffet of Datsyuk on my Internets. Much deserved attention for the best player in the world.

"He's so confident," teammate Marian Hossa said. "He just seems like he's having fun. He makes unbelievable moves like when (Jaromir) Jagr was younger.

"They're just highlight goals. He's making unbelievable chances for his teammates. It's fun to watch him (DetNews)."

Sure he's like Jagr. You know, if he had a fabulously awful mullet and didn't know that hockey was played south of his team's blueline.

"... Datsyuk, who recorded his 14th multipoint game of the season in Monday's 5-4 overtime loss at Dallas. For his first assist, he stickhandled around Darryl Sydor en route to the net, where a nifty backhand pass found Tomas Holmstrom across the top of the crease. For his goal, Datsyuk backed down a hapless Matt Niskanen to give the Wings a lead that lasted until 3 minutes remained in regulation (Freep)."

It's kinda weird. In other sports or cities, high-profile teams usually have players that have the perception of their talent amplified to unrealistic proportions. Derek Jeter has his junk jerked every day of the year while many see him as above average at best. If somebody from the Dallas Cowboys has a hang nail, Ed Werder and his mustache are giving the lead on Sportscenter.

So, the Wings are the most successful U.S. hockey franchise ever, and probably the best sports operation of the last 15 years anywhere in North America. But even in hockey cirlces, Pav doesn't quite seem to get his due. I'm not complaining about it, because his national noteriety doesn't affect me in anyway. I don't get it when people cry over their player not getting flogged by the media. I do find it strange though.

January 12, 2009

Wings @ Stars - quick thoughts

And I'm talking "embarrassing prom night incident" quick:

Red Wings 4-5 Stars (OT)

  • Datsyuk had one of those games that inspires you to do good on this Earth. I want to help my fellow man. I want to save a litter of puppies from a burning building. I want to give away a kidney. OK -- maybe Alonzo Morning's kidney -- but still. He's a fucking wizard.
  • So wizardly, in fact, that the Versus color commentator claims Pav would be the "valedictorian of awesome school". The valedictorian of awesome school. Talk about sucking all the fun out of his performance, Jesus. I don't know how to properly address this quote without comparing it on some level to Tim Brando's brain-fuckingly retarded call during the 2008 NCAA basketball tourney.
  • Speaking of Versus ... Def Leppard. It's getting harder to refute this Def Lep/Versus/Red Wings curse thing, people. I'm just saying.
  • Brad Stuart's play in the final 10 seconds of this game, which directly led to the losing goal, is reprehensible. It was anti-Datsyukian. Actually it was nearly Satanic. It made me want to kill the mother and children of my fellow man, eat a barrel of live puppies and stab Alonzo Morning repeatedly. Wait, I already wanted to do that last thing.
  • For a 5-4 game, the winning goaltender played like a used tampon, while the losing goaltender was spectacular and made two highlight real saves that I'm sure Ken Holland is jerking off to as I speak.

Until Next Time


This site has been drowning in an unannounced "semi-retirement" for the past week. To the both of you out there, sorry if I've let you down. I've got an ass-load of classes + work to juggle during the next four months, so I'm really not sure what will become of TTD in the near future. When I say ass-load I'm being quite serious, because starting today, this semester of school will begin the process of bending me over and making me wish I was never born.

But who knows. I'll be watching Wings @ Stars tonight so I might get a recap in. Until then, I'll be trying to find time to mack on the Wii-playing chick pictured above. This blog sucks.

January 2, 2009

Wings @ Blackhawks - It's like when they were kids on a pond!

Red Wings 6-4 Blackhawks

I really don't think a better result could have come from this game. It was a great game for the Wings, and also just a great game to watch for hockey fans period. Way better than the Capital One Bowl, anyway.

Less than two minutes in, things picked up right where they left off from Tuesday night. Dan Cleary has his life ruined as he gets dumped into the Blackhawks bench. The incredibly gay Pierre McGuire is quick to point out that none of the Hawks tried to hold Cleary down. God forbid.

Conk gives up a rebound so juicy I think you could actually see the puck secreting as the play unfolded. 1-0 Hawks thanks to Kris Versteeg and a silver platter.

Sammy would tie the game six minutes later on the power play, with helpers from Hank and Hossa, 1-1. It would not be a good day for that Chrystalball dude.


Even so, the Hawks put up a good fight. They got their second goal when Versteeg made a pretty pass to Martin Havlat from behind the net. Then Ben Eager added a third as the 1st period wound down, as Andreas Lilja attempted to undo 3 months of good will in one terrible play. I'll forgive him eventually.

Things turned around for the Wings in the 2nd period when Jiri put his stank all over this game. He got his 14th of the season just over a minute in, and then later added his 15th when he fanned on two shot attempts but connected on the third. Insert obvious baseball pun here. 3-3.

Pavel Datsyuk then made everyone their bitch. The Blackhawks, the city of Chicago, even you and me. We are all humble peasants that bow before his sorcery. Lil' Pierre went on and on about how the wind was the primary factor in this goal. Fuck that. Pav skates real good, watch.

I mean, you pretty much didn't even have to watch the game, what with my clever screen captures and all. 4-3 Wings.


Raf made it 5-3 in the 3rd period on the power play, after drifting down low. Chicago native Brett Lebda made it 6-3 only 16 seconds later and that was pretty much it. The Hawks scored an adorable goal with a few seconds left that nobody was watching.

What a performance (not "under the conditions" -- simply a great 2nd and 3rd period from the Wings today.)

Final thoughts
  • One of my favorite things about hockey is how us Wings fans love it when Homer takes an extra whack at the goalie after a save, but if another team did that to Ozzie or Conk we'd react like Charles Bronson in "Death Wish".
  • Something that I don't think gets talked about enough is how good of a skater Dan Cleary is. He's a really, really strong skater. Never is this more apparent than when he goes around the outside of a defender, keeps his body low and gets his shot off. He did this at least once today and scored the other night while doing it.
  • The Wings remind me of a great college football team when they keep going down early in games, only to storm back in the "2nd half". Every year you see a couple of games where a 30 point underdog gets an inexplicable 3 touchdown lead, only to still get blown out once the better team realizes what's going on. I'm not saying the Wings fail to show up each time they go down like this, but when they get down by 2 or even 3 goals early, you just expect them to come back.
  • I can't get over the unfathomable odds of Ty Conklin starting in three different outdoor games. I just can't. I'm one of those people who sees something and goes "I don't believe that shit" at least two dozen times before somebody smacks me across the face. It's insane. I don't remember if he was the #1 goalie or not in Edmonton when he played (and I'm obviously too lazy to look it up), but it's even more astounding that both this year and last year he played in the Winter Classic because of injuries to the teams' starting netminders.