I am Bored: Episode VI

The "Greatest Goals" Red Wings team of the modern era

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Last summer I did my Top 10 Red Wings Games. That post was so long that I don't think I ever read it. It could be a pile of dog shit for all I know.

This year I was going to pair it with a "Top 10 Red Wings Goals" thing, but most of them would have already appeared in those games, and probably in a similar order. So instead, I'll haphazardly tie it in to our "Bored" series by assembling a team of those goal scorers, and accompany the team with videos and happy thoughts. How it's really all that different I don't know. But hopefully it will make up for this.

Shanahan (Hurricanes, '02) - Yzerman (Blues, '96) - McCarty (Flyers, '97)

Shanahan (Avalanche, '02) - Larionov (Hurricanes, '02) - Brown (Capitals, '98)

Shanahan (Avalanche, '97) - Draper (Capitals, '98) - Hull (Hurricanes, '02)

Shanahan (Blues, '98) - Yzerman (Avalanche, '97) - Hudler (Penguins, '08)

Lidstrom (Canucks, '02) - Lidstrom (Hurricanes, '02)

Lidstrom (Predators, '08) - Rafalski (Penguins, '08)

Schneider (Sharks, '07) - Murphy (Stars, '98)

Osgood (Whalers, '96)

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13 of the 19 goals are game-winners. The Hurricanes/Whalers appear five times. And apparently I like Brendan Shanahan.

Here's the breakdown, with links:

DEFENSEMEN

Lidstrom appears three out of a possible six times. Much of this has to do with the fact that he's been playing for the Red Wings since before I even started following the team. During this stretch he has scored some big time goals.

My two favorite Lidstrom goals occurred in the same playoff run. His biggest goal as a Red Wing was a 90 foot bomb from center ice (2:35 mark) that helped save the team from what surely would've been the most embarrassing playoff exit in their history. A few weeks later, with the Wings down a game to the Hurricanes in the Finals, Lidstrom unlocked a 1-1 tie with a laser of a one-timer that beat Arturs Irbe's glove late in the 3rd period. (No video found. Watch this instead.)

Rounding out the defense is Rafalski with the ultimate "Thank fucking Moses they scored first" goal of all time in Game 6 of last year's Finals; Lidstrom again with another 90 footer against Nashville; Schneider's OT winner (2:40 mark) against the Sharks; and good old Uncle Larry Murphy with an awkward, goofy looking backhander in the 1998 Conference Finals (0:30 mark) clincher.

GOALIE

It's awesome that I can draw up a team of goal scorers and include a goalie. Great music there too.

FORWARDS

* Starting from the "4th line" and going up. I will try not to let the Jiri Hudler situation taint my lasting memories of him, or this ginormous goal. That was a huuuuge goal. I look forward to the day when I can link a KHL highlight of his without wanting to light myself on fire.

*Shanahan begins his left wing stranglehold with this Double OT winner against the Blues (6:30 mark) in 1998. Forget for a second that the Wings were playing the Blues and how us beating them is as natural as gravity -- wasn't this game completely terrifying?

* Yzerman makes his first appearance with his bank shot on Roy in '97 playoffs (3:10 mark .... Bob Rouse sighting at 3:28).

* Drapes has to be on this team, if for nothing else, because Brent and I have mocked Gary Thorne's call of this goal (KRIS DRAAAPEERRRRR!!!) roughly 10 thousand times.

*Brett Hull's game-tying goal in Game 3 of the '02 Finals was when the "no pants" playoff superstition was born (again no video ... damn these Carolina games).

* Shanny's empty netter to seal the series against the Avs in '97 was incredibly sweet (8:15). Oh, so sweet.

* Igor Larionov finished off what Brett Hull started, scoring at like 6 AM to put a giant knife into Carolina's back. My pants would remain on during games for the next seven years until the superstition came out of the closet retirement against the Ducks this year.

* Doug Brown's goal against the Capitals, Game 2 of the Finals. Crazy, crazy game. But that video clip is legendary -- you get Esa Tikkinen missing the open net, Doug Brown scoring the equalizer, and then the best part: the shot of the guy trying to squeeze a lump of coal into a diamond with his ass cheeks (0:26 mark).

* Shanahan with the "Statue of Liberty Goal". This one is pleasing in about 45 different ways. Many athletes would hide their disappointment or at least try to minimize it -- Patrick Roy doubles over in complete disbelief as he prepares to give up 7 more goals in the next 4 periods.

* The final Shanny goal is his second empty netter, the one that sealed the 2002 Stanley Cup. He scores the goal, and then he and Yzerman attempt to make a baby.

* Darren McCarty. Scientists to this day are still analyzing this goal to figure out how in the hell it happened.

* If Clint Eastwood spat in your mother's face and called her a whore, it still wouldn't be as badass as Steve Yzerman doing this.

Red Wings running out of guys to sign who aren't 3rd line NHL wingers

The Wings signed D-man Andy Delmore, a guy who spent the last few seasons in Germany playing for the Frozen Hamburgers or something.

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According to www.hockeydb.com, Delmore had 10 goals and 35 points in 51 games in 2007-08 and nine goals and 31 points in 52 games last season for the Freezers.

With the signing of Delmore, the Griffins have rounded out their veteran core after adding left-handed-shooting defenseman Doug Janik and forwards Kris Newbury and Jeremy Williams during the off-season. They also re-signed Ryan Oulahen.

(freep)

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(Hockeydb was not linked up there because if you were to click it, you would never get off the computer. It's cyber heroin.)

So that still leaves us waiting on a completed version of this thing:

Datsyuk-Zetterberg-Holmstrom

Franzen-Filppula-Cleary

Leino-Helm-Abdelkader?

Maltby-Draper- _____

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Alright, now that we've avoided the shame of having the next bit of news be our only reason for posting, we can tell you in good conscience (not really) that The Triple Deke is now on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/TheTripleDeke

There is hardly a practical reason for this. In truth, it may never be used. We shall see.

So if you've got one of these contraptions, follow us or friend us or whatever the hell it is that you do so we aren't so lonely, and in the meantime we will try to figure out what "RT" and all that shit is suppose to mean.

I am Bored: Episode V

The "if we were to draft a football team with current Red Wings" team

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Zetterberg---------Ericsson-Stuart-Cleary-Lilja-Franzen----------Datsyuk

-----------------------------Lidstrom--------------Holmstrom

Kronwall

Helm

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Classic Power-I formation. The offensive line is essentially made by default, using the biggest guys on the roster -- but if Ericsson could just add 80 pounds of muscle he could start for an NFL team easily. You can see him as that reliable, blind-side pass protector. Hank and Pav are the duel wide receiver threats, if only because if feels right having them play the same position. Homer is the bruising tight end who has the soft hands to snag a few red zone TD's and bail out the offense on third downs.

Lidstrom is the obvious choice as QB. He's Joe Montana. He wouldn't have an overpowering arm or blazing speed, but he'd be nearly perfect in every other aspect. Kronner would thrive at fullback by blowing up linebackers left and right. And Darren Helm is by far the best-suited Red Wing to play running back ... the name "Barry Sanders" comes to mind.

I am Bored: Episode IV

The All-"My dad's favorite hockey players" Red Wings team:

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____ - ____ - Doug Brown
____ - ____ - ____
____ - ____ - ____
____ - ____ - ____

____ - ____
____ - ____
____ - ____

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At least once every four months or so my dad will say "hey, whatever happened to Doug Brown?" And then I'll tell him that he's like 50 years old and retired about 10 years ago, and that he should watch hockey again so that he can find a new favorite player. Then dad will say "what, is 50 supposed to be old or something?" And then I'll be like "yeah, it's pretty fucking old, Dad." And then he'll say "Well go to hell son." And I'll say, "Kiss my ass old man." And he'll say, "Fuck off, I wish we threw you in a dumpster after you were born like I wanted to." And then I'll be like, "Whoa, wait a minute--" and then he'll cut me off with, "DOUG BROWN IS THE EPITOME OF HUMAN EXCELENCE WHO ONCE DID THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF DRAWING A PENALTY IN A TRIPLE OVERTIME GAME THAT DIRECTLY LED TO A GAME-WINNING GOAL" ... and then we'll both hug and begin to sob until daybreak.

I am Bored: Episode III

The All-"I almost forgot they played for the Red Wings" Red Wings team:

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Adam Graves (87-90) - Adam Oates (85-89) - Pat Verbeek (99-01)

Wendel Clark (1999) - Greg Johnson (93-97) - Steve Thomas (03-04)

Ray Whitney (03-04) - Dallas Drake (The first time) - Tomas Sandstrom (1997)

Sean Avery (01-03) - Mike Krushelynski (94-95) - Yuri Butsayev (99-02)

Barry Melrose (85-86) - Jason Wooley (02-04)

Derian Hatcher (03-04) - Ulf Samuelsson (1999)

Todd Gill (98-01) - Dimitri Mironov (1998)

Ken Wregget (99-00)

Bill Ranford (1999)

Ken Holland (the player ... 83-84)

Marian Hossa almost made the team.

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I am Bored: Episode II

To honor the ancestors of me and my distant cousin Boyd Devereaux ...

The "All-Quebec" Red Wings team:

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Luc Robataille - Marcel Dionne - Martin Lapointe

Bob Errey - Marty Barry - Wayne Connelly

Marcel Bonin - Andre St. Laurent - Bill Dineen

Claude LaForge - Guy Charron - Michel Bergeron

Marcel Pronovost - Mathieu Dandenault

Jean Hamel - Steve Duchesne

Yves Racine - Ron Harris

Rogatien Vachon

Corrado Micalef

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Useless information ...

* 79 Quebecers have suited up for the Wings.

* Marcel Dionne has more goals (139) than any of them, and did it in only four seasons.

* Bill Dineen is the father of Kevin Dineen.

* Marty Lapointe should have never left Detroit.

I am Bored: Episode I

The All "Not-Drafted-By-The-Red-Wings" Red Wings team of my lifetime:

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Shanahan - Larionov - Ciccarelli

Robataille - Bob Lang - Hull

Cleary - Drapes - Sammy

Maltby - Boyd Devereaux - Doug Brown

Coffey - Murph

Fetisov - Raf

Stuart - Cheli

Hasek

Vernon

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This remarkable 178-part series of pointless posts will combine two of my personal favorites: line combinations and things that don't make any fucking sense.

And shut up about Boyd -- we have the same last name so he makes the team. Plus, it was either him or Tim Taylor.

Gross

Couldn't even revert back to his old #18. Had to go with #81 in red.

Rubbing it in a little?

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Yeah yeah, you too.

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Eat a dick.

Fantasy hockey scouting from two guys who have never played fantasy hockey

The cool people at the cool site Fantasy Hockey Scouts asked us to partake in their team-by-team season outlook. We were going to write a few paragraphs about the Peoria Rivermen but at the last second we did the Wings instead.

Here are two Wings that are going to have "breakout" seasons statistically this year. Feel free to disagree.

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Ville Leino

With the exodus of multiple point-producing forwards this offseason, the Wings will lean heavily on Leino in 2009-10. He turns 26 in October and was the Finnish player of the year in 2008, so he isn't that inexperienced despite finishing his first full NHL season.

Leino's style fits the mold of the Red Wings' system perfectly. He's a skilled, puck-possessing winger who already looks polished in the offensive zone. From the limited action we've seen, he plays well along the boards, exudes creativity and plays with a ton of confidence. He's not a speed demon or a good defender (there's points for backchecking in fantasy hockey right? No?), but his strengths outweigh the weaknesses, and he's got a ton of upside. Lord, how we've dreamed about using the word "upside" in a scouting report.

Intersting Fact: Leino scored his first NHL goal in the first period of his first game. It was stupendous.

Statistics:

Last Year: 13 games with 5+4=9

Fearless Forecast: 74 games with 15+28=43...an increase of 34 points

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Valtteri Filppula

Filppula is a year younger than Leino, but he'll be starting his 4th full NHL season this year. His point totals have increased from 17 to 36 to 40 during his three regular seasons, and 5 to 11 to 16 in three post-seasons. Wings fans have a lot to be encouraged about after a very strong showing in the 2009 playoffs.

Another prototypical Red Wing, Fil is a talented two-way center who could be a couple years away from being a bona fide star in this league. His numbers don't yet reflect his untapped offensive potential, but trust me if you haven't watched him -- it's there. He'll be needed in 2009-10 to step up and fill the void left by the exits of Hossa, Hudler and Samuelsson, so every Wing fan is hoping that this will be the year.

Don't let his drop in goals from 2008 to 2009 fool you. He's a well-rounded offensive player who really found his stride this past spring and could turn a corner in 2010.

Interesting Fact: Filppula has been known to make women drop their pants with a simple stroke of his hair.

Statistics:

Last Year: 80 games with 12+28=40

Fearless Forecast:

80 games with 20+36=56...an increase of 16 points

Read this

The Wingosphere grew a little larger recently as frequent A2Y commenter Animal Drew cut the ribbon on Nightmare on Helm Street. The name of the blog alone makes it worth 2 to 3 clicks per day.

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Count Drew among the group of Wing fans that won't be welcoming Marian Hossa back to the Joe with a plate of cookies. Or perhaps he would, if said cookies contained a laxative.

"Let’s put it right out there, Marian. You failed us. We didn’t fail you. We had half of our team banged up, we had survived the previous rounds despite you only producing in one game per series, but we needed you in the Finals. Seven games against your former club and you couldn’t even score one freakin’ goal. None."

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And in other news ..... NHL schedule release at 3 PM today. Hooraaayyy.

85 more hockey-less nights

I think a lot of people are dying for hockey to start up again. But to be honest I've kind of enjoyed the break so far. The playoff run not only shaved 8 or 9 years off my life, but it also rendered me sterile somehow. Having trouble figuring that one out.

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Still can't believe that game.

All of these guys will probably sign elsewhere before the end of this sentence

Khan takes a good look at the remainder of the free agent class. We'd say that one or two of them look interesting, but why get your hopes up when they're just going to sign with the Rangers anyway.

The article has the full list of players. This is a cut-and-pasted version of the most intriguing cases:

P.J. Axelsson, Boston ($1.85 million) -- A defensive-minded winger and penalty-killer who would not provide much offense.

Todd Bertuzzi, Calgary ($1.95 million) -- The one-time premier power forward, briefly a Red Wing, has good hands around the net. But he lacks discipline, is injury-prone and has a questionable work ethic.

Mathieu Dandenault, Montreal ($1.7 million) -- Moved back and forth from forward to defense during much of his nine seasons in Detroit but played mostly on the blue line for the Canadiens. The Red Wings are better off with a full-time forward.

Mike Grier, San Jose ($1.8 million) -- He is what you want in a third-line winger: big, physical, works hard down low, has good defensive instincts and can chip in some offense.

Manny Malhotra, Columbus ($1.5 million) -- A center with good size (6-2, 217) who skates well, is responsible defensively and kills penalties. He has underachieved offensively throughout his career.

Travis Moen, San Jose ($925,000) -- A good-sized (6-2, 215), solid role player and penalty killer who would provide grit and a physical presence on the fourth line and would not cost much.

Scott Nichol, Nashville ($750,000) -- He's small (5-9, 175) but energetic, works hard, gets involved physically, agitates and is good on the draw.

Rob Niedermayer, Anaheim ($2 million) -- He's a good skater and dependable defensive player with decent size (6-2, 200) and can play center or the wing.

Mike Peca, Columbus ($1.3 million) -- He would not provide much offense, but he's a good open-ice hitter, penalty killer and faceoff man who tends to get hurt a lot because of his aggressive style.

Brendan Shanahan, New Jersey ($800,000) -- He turned down a one-year, $4 million offer from the Red Wings in 2006, thinking the team was in decline. It helped younger players develop with more ice time. It's unlikely he would want to return or, at age 40, the team would want him back.

Mats Sundin, Vancouver ($8.6 million) -- He would not leave Toronto when the Red Wings wanted him at the trade deadline in 2008. Highly unlikely he would come here now at a much-reduced price. And he probably would take half the season to decide.

Petr Sykora, Pittsburgh ($2.5 million) -- He has good speed and a good shot and scored 25 goals during the regular season. But he was a regular scratch in the playoffs, which raises red flags.

We've done too many "farewell" posts already this offseason. It would be nice to do a "welcome" one, but then again, it's only July 10th. Trying not to flip out.

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Wings preseason schedule:

You can bank on a humongous scouting report of Farjestads BK from us.

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For something completely different, Sports Illustrated did a Konstantinov feature that you should definitely read.

"In May 2008 Hockey Hall of Famer and Red Wings great Ted Lindsay took the stand in U.S. District Court in the case of Konstantinov et al v. Findlay Ford Lincoln Mercury et al. Terrible Ted, then 82, a blunt talker whose worn mug is the face of Old-Time Hockey, put his right hand on a Bible and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This was Lindsay’s truth: Eleven years earlier, Vladimir Konstantinov was 'the greatest hockey player in the world' and perhaps on his way to being the best defenseman of all time. Lindsay’s assessment of Konstantinov—the Vladinator, Vlad the Impaler, a shot-in-the-dark 11th-round draft pick in 1989 who became an essential part of the Red Wings’ Stanley Cup teams in the ’90s—might have been overly generous, but Lindsay has never been hauled back into court on a perjury charge."

....

"Konstantinov played six seasons in Detroit. In 1995-96 he compiled a plus-60 rating, the highest since Wayne Gretzky’s plus-70 nine years earlier. The following year he would finish second to the Rangers’ Brian Leetch for the Norris Trophy. He was 30, entering his hockey prime.

“'Vladi was a step ahead of me,' says fellow ’89 draft pick Nicklas Lidstrom. 'He was playing the game real hard. Whether he was playing against (enforcer) Stu Grimson or going up against Gretzky or (Mario) Lemieux, he would play the same way. He was never afraid of laying a hit on a tough guy. He was an excellent skater, strong on his feet. (He was) fearless on the ice'.”

Nick Lidstrom saying Vladi was a step ahead of him. That's unbelievable.

This one's going to hurt

We knew that Sammy felt like the odd man out all season long. Nobody talked about re-signing him.

We would've loved to keep Conk, but not at the salary the Blues were offering. He had an excellent season for a backup and has the greatest nickname of any goalie in NHL history. It's impossible to be upset with his decision to leave.

And for 12 months we prepared ourselves to watch Hossa walk. Still, nothing we did could prepare ourselves to watch one of the Wings' best players join the Chicago Blackhawks. It's like if you roomed with a friend for a year, and then he found out that the apartment across the hall was getting free HBO, so he moved. Maybe the rent was cheaper and he had a little extra cash in his pocket than if he had stayed, so you tried to be understanding of his situation (even though his new roomates always forget to pay the electric bill on time). He took his little brother with him too, so now you have some space to yourself. It's not all bad.

But Jiri .... ???

Hudler's agent, Petr Svoboda, confirmed to Red Wings general manager Ken Holland on Wednesday night that the 25-year-old forward has signed a two-year deal with Moscow Dynamo and plans to play in the Kontinental Hockey League. He will earn $5 million a season, tax-free.

This is obviously all Svoboda's doing, as he's clearly still bitter about the 1997 Finals.

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It would be difficult to wreck a dude because of his decision to possibly double the money that was being offered to him here. The little guy is far too likeable for either of us to conjure up any serious hate.

Put yourself in that situation. You're an American playing some sport in eastern Europe; you like it there, you like your team and your teammates, and everyone likes you; but then a Canadian team offers you twice the salary and more playing time -- are you going to stay? Seriously? Close to home with double the money?

That's the mature perspective. We acknowledge that it exists, but we're not quite there yet. In fact we just did this half whiny/self-pity thing for about 30 seconds before posting this. It hurts. Jiri should be a Red Wing.

It's not the reasoning for his decision, or where he's going, or money or any of that. All that matters is that we just lost a big 57 points from a third line winger. That's difficult to replace. Between four free agent forwards, the Wings have watched 187 points walk out the door this summer. There aren't a ton of options out their either.

"Detroit city babay -- yyaaAAAYYYyyy"

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The undisputed greatest goal of Jiri Hudler's career as a Red Ving.

Save Huds

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(Khan)

"Detroit Red Wings forward Jiri Hudler filed for salary arbitration by Sunday's deadline, indicating his desire to remain with the club ...

... Hudler, 25, is due for a big raise from his $1.15 million salary after posting career-high totals in goals (23) and points (57) during the regular season. He wasn't as effective in the playoffs, however, with only four goals and 12 points in 23 games ...

... No Red Wing has had an arbitration hearing since Ray Sheppard in 1995. It's an unpleasant situation that the club prefers to avoid."

The obvious part is that Jiri is due for a raise. He should be making more money than Kris Draper, whether that's as a Wing or not.

The term "big raise" is questionable, because we aren't as familiar with the ins-and-outs of arbitration as others. For this we turn our attention to Kyle at Babcock's Death Stare , who has been pumping out quality posts left and right so far this summer.

This guy is the perfect arbitration case. In 07/08, he had the best point per minute ratio in the league, and this past season, he had to have been top 10 again this past season. Two players with similar production, Ryan Clowe and David Booth, just cashed in. Clowe is at $3.5 million. Booth is at $4.2 million. If it reaches arbitration, all they have to do is bring up those cases and Hudler’s value is set in that range.

The question we'd have is how much do points -- namely, regular season points -- take precedent in arbitration cases? Getting 57 points out of a guy making $1.15 million is an absolute steal, but he turned into a ghost during the latter half of the playoffs, and he never seems to click on the first or second line when Babcock gives him that chance. It would suck to see him command a salary as high as $4 million when he struggles as a top 6 forward. So then, how much does a skilled depth forward run for?

People don’t seem to realize how much a young 50+ point producing 3rd line forward is actually worth. A lot of people seem to think a short deal at about $2.5 million is all he’s looking for. I don’t know why he would take anything like that when he knows he’s guaranteed at least $1 million more if he just plays hard to get and waits it out ...

... I haven’t sweated our free agency losses too much, in fact I’m thrilled we didn’t bring any of our guys back at the contracts they got, but we need to keep Hudler. We need to keep the depth among our top 9 forwards. Sure, there’s Tanguay and Kotalik still on the market, but nothing says those guys are going to be any easier to sign.

Tanguay has made $5 million+ over the last few years, and with his average point production exceeding Jiri's, he's more than likely to be out of Holland's sights. Kotalik is an interesting case in that he's got size, a big shot and a similar point output, but he'll be 31 in December and isn't as offensively rounded as Jiri. So yeah, let's just make this easy and get Huds to take a deal before the arbitration hearing on July 20th.

Ulimately though, Kyle's most important claim was this:

I do like Hudler a lot. He’s one of the more likable guys off the ice because he’s so weird and he really looks like an anime character.

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Shotgun Sam heads west

Beware the wayward pucks if you attend GM Place next season. Sammy's a Canuck.

The Vancouver Canucks made their first move in the free agent market, adding winger Mikael Samuelsson with a three-year deal.

Financial terms were not disclosed. (Puck Daddy says Elliotte Friedman says 3 years/$7.5/$2.5 hit.)

Samuelsson, 32, recorded 40 points in 81 games last season and 10 points in 23 playoff games with Detroit through to the 2009 Stanley Cup Final.

In 466 career NHL games, he has 208 points and 244 penalty minutes. The Mariefred, Sweden native was a member of the 2007.08 Stanley Cup Champion team and has produced a career total of 35 points in 69 postseason games.

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Sam's finest hour in the winged wheel:

Our predictable reaction -- and probably yours, too: "HE HIT THE NET!"

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Nobody's going to blame Sammy for taking that deal. In fact I'm curious as to what, if anything, was offered to him from Holland's end. I'm sure he at least Facebooked him with a, "you wouldn't want to re-sign for like $1.5-ish, would ya?" message. He's a classy guy like that.

I can't quite remember at the moment, but I'm pretty sure we've made fun of this man on more than one occasion. I'm going to miss doing that. All unwarrented retard jokes aside, we liked him. Even when it seemed like he was trying to kill Mo Cheese with a 60 footer, we knew he was doing it out of love.

And regardless of anything that's been said about him, the fact that he put up 40 points in each of the past two seasons on a salary of $1.2 mil is definitely "bang for your buck". He also added a pinch of grit and knows how to play in his own end.

And man, what a rocket on that power play, eh? Okay we don't have to talk about that. Curious as to what the points on the 2nd PP unit look like now. Having the lefty/righty combo is preferable, so obviously the choice is Maltby.

Best of luck.

Your obligatory Marian Hossa post

What I've been telling myself ...

1. For the 30,000th time: He would've made an disgusting amount of money had he taken what the Oilers reportedly offered him last summer. That's money that he won't ever be able to make back in this lifetime.

2. He turned that down and went out of his way to jump on board with Detroit.

3. He made it explicitly clear that he thought Detroit gave him a better chance to win a Cup than Pittsburgh. Like, he admitted that. Out loud. That was both a motion of great respect toward the Wings' organization and a hilarious slap in the face to the Penguins. (Whatever arrogance you perceive the prior sentence to contain, please note that it's overshadowed by the irreparable damaged sustained from the 2009 Stanely Cup Finals, and that I sob uncontrollably whenever I type "Detroit" and "Pittsburgh in the same sentence.)

4. When he was on a roll, it was a truly amazing thing to watch. Awe-inspiring level of skill. I have never seen a wrist shot like that.

5. Although the 1 to 1.5$ million/per year difference doesn't sound like much, it adds up over the course of 12 years.

6. He doesn't really seem like that much of a dick.

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When he comes to JLA next season, I'll boo at my TV. That doesn't mean I hate the guy, or that I don't appreciate what he did for the Wings this year, or that I'm a classless prick. It means that I'm a fucking idiot because I'm booing at a TV.

It also means that he plays for our arch division rival, and I'm not cheering or well-wishing anybody in that uniform. That was his choice. He couldn't have been completely oblivious to what the repercussions of this decision will have. Oh, that has me thinking ....

Let's run this down: Hossa was ferocious in the 2008 Finals, the deepest in the playoffs he's ever been; He comes to Detroit with the pressure that he has one year to win a Cup; he plays a very good regular season, hits a slight decline in the first three rounds, and then has us scratching our heads with his inconsistent play in against Pittsburgh. He was beyond tentative, neglecting opportunity after opportunity to push toward the net. No major injury was reported, leading us to the assumption that it was simply a colossal amount of pressure that got to him in the postseason. So now, say the Wings and Hawks meet again in the '10 Conference Finals -- how's he going to respond? If he thought the pressure of the first go-around was intense, what about the pressure of having the same deja-vu situation happen again??

That's assuming a ton, though. It assumes that the young Hawks won't take this season for granted, thinking that rebounding and returning to the WCF will be easy. It assumes that the Q-Stache can win two playoff series for the second straight year. It assumes that the Wings won't be dead by May, considering it would be a fourth consecutive trip to the 3rd round, and half the team will play in the Olympics in February. And it assumes playoff seeding and lame shit like that.

Pointless Dream Scenario:

1. Wings beat the Hawks on the last day of the regular season to win the Central Division and the #1 seed in the West. With one second remaining in the 3rd and the Hawks down a goal, Hossa is awarded a penalty shot after Nik Kronwall asks him what the square root of 13 is. Hossa then flies down the right side, pulls up, and drops a pass back to nobody at the blue line.

2. The Wings defeat the Ducks in the first round via a sweep, this coming after Scott Niedermayer is suspended for selling weed to middle schoolers.

3. The Wings beat the Hawks in the Conference Finals. Instead of the presentation of the Clarence Campbell Bowl, Nick Lidstrom forces Patrick Sharp to kiss his ball sack.

4. The Wings meet the Pens for the 3rd installment of their Stanley Cup Finals trilogy. Max Talbot gets scurvy. In Game 5 at Joe Louis, the League mandates that the two teams set up the exact scenario that led to the Wings storming back to a 3-2 lead as they did in Game 5 of the '08 Finals, reasoning that "they were just supposed to win that game." At the 34.7 mark of the 3rd period, the scoreboard starts to explode like at the end of The Natural, Konstantinov skates out onto the ice and checks Malkin's head off his shoulders, the Wings win the Cup, and the Earth collides with the Sun.

It's July 1st

*****

We're going to try something new.

Instead of throwing up multiple posts on the first day of Free Agency, we're going to make this our first-ever open thread. As news-y stuff happens around the league, it'll go in the comments section (Somebody was dumb enough to take Scott Gomez's contract? BWAHAAA) Then the 2 of us and the 3 of you out there can discuss this shit.

The Wings aren't expected to do anything outlandish. But hey, you never know -- they could move four guys to free up Hossa space ...