March 23, 2010

Game #72 -- Red Wings vs. Penguins


DETROIT RED WINGS 3 - 1 PITTSBURGH PENGUINS


The Wings took another huge two points and then nothing interesting happened after the game ended.




  • Malkin's absence certainly helped out the Wings, as Hank and Pav each excelled defensively taking on the Crosby and Staal lines respectively. With those two canceled out, the Wings looked as good as they have at any point in the season, and rarely did the game feel too threatening. Also a plus: I won't go to sleep tonight in fear of Max Talbot slicing open my stomach with a box cutter and eating my intestines. Well, maybe.
  • If I ever produce a child on this Earth, I want Jimmy Howard to be there in the delivery room so he can catch the baby with that wonderful glove of his. Although we'd have to care for the baby after Jimmy fumbled it to the ground, but it's still a nice thought. Then before he leaves I'd want him to inexplicably yell at my wife to stop clearing the puck up the middle.
  • Sergei Gonchar was a minus-2, took two penalties and still has a really big fucking head.
  • Nick Lidstrom was superb. It was an artistically, flawlessly, handsomely crafted performance. (He also makes me use strange words as if I were an off-Broadway play critic.) I giggled like a bitch when he anticipated a Crosby pass to cut off a 2-on-2, and then moments later Hank scored the 3rd goal of the game.
  • (*clears throat*) #44 played a fairly good g............
a good ga.............

he wasn't b......... baaAAAA.................

.... (excuse me for a moment) ....

It's like this ... if hockey were a tree, right? If hockey were a tree, #44 would be .....

he'd be like ............ when the colors -- when they change and shit. And ......

okay let me start over.

Fuck it -- he eats ass. I don't want to do this anymore.


  • Say what you want about Crosby, but you can't say this: You aren't jealous of him. Have you said anything negative about him over the last four years? You're just jealous. Has he ever done something unprovoked to one of your favorite players that you didn't think was cool? You're jealous. Do you not wish that he was on your team instead of a Franzen or a Zetterberg or a Datsyuk? Jealousy. Have you looked at him wrong? Jealous prick. Did you just pay somebody five minutes ago to follow Kyle from Babcock's Death Stare so you can get the jump on good blog ideas and pass them off as your own before he posts them? Well that's just staying one step ahead of the game, son. It's probably a little creepy and disconcerting for our readers to think of me as such a psycho, but eh ....... wait -- the Crosby thing ...... have you ever thought his lips were too big for his face? You're jealous and probably a baby killer.

12 comments:

Rob said...

Dude I literally wet myself....Thanks a lot, you jealous prick.

cmk said...

I LOVED the 'too big lips'--something I've thought and never expressed in so many words. (I tend to say things like "WHY did his parents reproduce?" and "WHAT unfortunate thing happened to him at birth?"--but then, I say that about a lot of the Penguins.)

VF better NEVER get rid of those torn pants--I guess the 'air conditioning' is helping. Two goals and four assists in two games--I LOVE my Baby boy! ;)

lauren said...

You would think I would know better than to be drinking anything while reading your posts, but since I don't...

You almost killed me, you asshole.

Don't feel bad about my anger though, it's just because I'm jealous.

Baroque said...

44 played very well.

Doesn't mean I don't still despise his frequently useless self.

jennbikegirl said...

Yes, 44 had a good game for once. Notice that he needs to be on a line with Pav or Hank to make that happen. I still don't think he deserved the second star over Flip though. And that's not my anti-44 talking, that's just the truth.

Crosby really needs to grow up.

J.J. from Kansas said...

I'm jealous that Crosby still gets to live in Mario Lemieux's basement. I bet he's got some sweet pinball action going on down there and probably one of those mini-fridges packed with Dr. Pepper. I bet Mario lets him stay up late like ALL the time and they have sweet parties with all of their friends where they stay up late and eat pizza. No girls though, because girls are icky.

patleb940 said...

I was at the game and let me tell you it was awesome! That was exactly the kind of performance I was hoping for. I mean what more can you ask : 2 goals from Z, a great team effort and hearing the crowd chanting CROSBY SUCKS! CROSBY SUCKS! every time he touched the puck. Sweet night!

And thanks for making me laugh my ass off this morning; you're making this trip even more perfect.

Pat

Anonymous said...

Jeff-OKWingnut

Bert was good, and for the past couple of games? So says Babs. When Cleary gets back, Bert is staying on the 2 line with Essence and Wally. Cleary to the 3 line - so says Babs.

Crosby is a classless, punk. Cooke is a punk. Perry is super-punk.

Jimmah is unbelievable.

See you Friday! And I am so fuching happy the Wings are in the hunt - I'd have been super pissed plunking down all that coin to go to a throw-away game.

LaurenH said...

I am perfectly fine with being a jealous baby-killer if it means I get to keep hating that whiny little bitch, crosby!

Chris said...

I'll bring you some adderall this weekend. Looks like you need it.

(Kidding, great post.)

Stephanie said...

This post was beautiful. Going to go ahead and make a lofty statement and say that this blog is the greatest, period.

Sidenote, you've probably seen it but just in case you haven't: the Jimmy Howard Owning Sidney Crosby fanpage on facebook. It's only existed for roughly 24 hours and it has 10,000 fans already. You're doing us proud, Jimmy.

Triple Deke Staff said...

@Stephanie: I am a proud, card carrying member of that group.

And your kind words are appreciated, although entirely incorrect. :)

- Tyler