April 16, 2010

500th Post of Nonsensical Self Indulgent Pantsless Extravaganza. With Midgets. Alright, no Midgets.


There is an important playoff hockey game on later today. So of course we're going to ignore that and talk about ourselves again. Assuming you didn't just click away to something more interesting like checking the barometric pressure, we'd like to welcome you to our 500th post at TTD. It'll be like those lame "anniversary" episodes on sitcoms where they just recycle old highlights instead of coming up with something new. Hopefully you got the dress code memo and are sporting a tuxedo shirt and moon boots.



Ahh, yes, we've certainly had some good times here in the last two years. There was the time we emailed Barry Melrose and told him he was a stupid head because that's what we originally thought blogging was. There was time that we rang the doorbell at A2Y and left a burning back of dog shit only to have the Chief come after us in his truck and shoot at us repeatedly. And the water balloon fight with St. Louis Game Time where we filled our balloons with hot glue. And who could forget the time we got wasted on paint thinner and invented Comic Sans? Yeah that was us. Sorry.

It's been a lot of fun, and we're glad that a number of you have joined us in our journey to inadvertently make the Internet more pointless and confusing. Here are some of the highlights from the first 499 posts.


POST #1

"Yeah, I don't really feel like doing much of an introduction. I think the title pretty much tells you what you'll find here....I live in Michigan and I've grown up a Detroit sports fan, and from time to time I might use this computer to type down some thoughts that I have about sports involving my favorite teams and post them here."


Oh that's what a blog is. Good to know.

And thus, a long slew of directionless banter began at The Triple Deke, as I toiled with what to actually write about on a weekly basis, and when I did write it felt pretty amateurish (as opposed to now when I come to work at Pretend Google Studios each day on the bright, write a post in which I entertain myself by saying words my mother wouldn't approve of, and attend Blogger production meetings with my buddies as we talk shit about Nightmare on Helm Street for defecting to Bloguin. You know, pro blogger stuff.)

**********

ZOMG A COMMENT

Reader comment #1 came from somebody who refers to themself as "Anonymous" (I think it's a Greek name) ...

"I love the title of your blog. One question, though... what on earth does it mean to "pull one's nuts out"?"

Haha, oh gentle reader. This was a play on the "balls to the wall" term that is used most frequently in varsity lacrosse locker rooms. And oddly in was a reference to Derek Meech's uber-confident play during a stretch in 2008. I wonder what ever happened to that guy.

**********

RUINING OUR CREDIBILITY

I found a brief collection of stupid things I've said that made my eyelids curl.

"I've been watching this Ville Leino dude play, and he's the real deal. It's a no-brainer sort of thing. You watch him, and you can tell (with ease, actually) that he has a greater impact to this team on the ice than Kirk Maltby or Tomas Kopecky has. Maltby's "locker room presence" or whatever the hell you want to butter it up as doesn't make up for his shortcomings on the ice."

.....

"Meet the newest Wing, Brad Stuart, and his stupid fucking family. Sorry if I sound a little bitter, but the usually reliable Ken Holland kinda shat his pants on this one."

.....

"Jimmy Howard sucks."

.....

"I honestly wouldn't have lost much sleep over giving up Hudler or Filppula..."

.....

"If (Game 5, 2008 Finals) goes to OT, I will puke from the soul-crushing intensity. I will literally vomit. The Wings have miraculously only played one single solitary overtime game this postseason, and that one only lasted a couple minutes. So I think we're due for one."

Oops.

**********

GAME DAY VIDEOS

A common practice at many blogs around the 'webz is to post random videos because for some reason it is felt that they can bring some sort of luck. We haven't dabbled in this too much, but some of the random clips you have seen are considered legendary to no more than maybe four readers.




This is actually a stand-in. It's Nannerpuss' brother, Mark. We murdered Nannerpuss and threw his body in the Grand River after he lost us the 2009 Finals.




The unofficially official Darren Helm song. For the life of me I can't remember what started this. "Bang-Your-Head" in the chorus is inexplicably changed to the syllables "DAR-REN-HELM", and for some reason that makes sense.




One of my favorite videos of all time. I still can't tell if this news team is in on the joke or not. That's what makes it great.




No, there's nothing wrong with your sound. Youtube did the unthinkable and disabled the audio track because of unauthorized mumbo jumbo. I'd be lying if I said I was anything other than completely heartbroken.

**********

SEGA & HOCKEY

The Sega Season Previews were a lot of fun to do, as one could assume when you combine the greatest sport on Earth with history's greatest game console. You can find them all on one page here. This coming offseason promises to be a lot duller when we introduce the Commodore 64 preview series.

**********

MIKAEL SAMUELSSON

We have had a little too much fun at Sammy's expense. He is essentially the unofficial 3rd author here at TTD on account of how gracious he has been to contribute new material. And wouldn't you know it, he offered to stop by to help us celebrate TTD500.


Samuelsson: "HOW DARETH YE."

TTD: "What?"

Samuelsson: "YOU HAVE GOT SOME GALL TO INVITE ME TO YOUR ABODE, AFTER YEARS OF MAKING LIGHT OF MY ACCENT AND PENSION FOR EMPHASIZING MY FASHIONABLE PROSE."

TTD: "No, Sammy, it's not like that at all. People enjoy you man, and we just wanted to have you by to say a few words, that's all."

Samuelsson: "HA. 'SAY A FEW WORDS'. WORDS THAT I'M SURE YOU WILL NO DOUBT CAPITALIZE TO THE HIGH HEAVENS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ME SOUND FOOLISH. WELL I TELL YOU THIS, SIRS, I WILL NOT COMPLY WITH YOUR WISHES. I WILL NOT FALL INTO THE MUDDY, LITERARY THICKET OF A TRAP THAT YOU HAVE SPRUNG UPON ME. I WILL NOT-- HEY WAIT A MINUTE WHY ARE YOU WRITING THIS DOWN."

TTD: "It's called note taking, it's a basic journalistic practice."

Samuelsson: "'JOURNALIST'. I THOUGHT YOU WROTE A BLOG. AREN'T YOU JUST SUPPOSED TO MAKE UP THINGS THAT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SAY."

TTD: "No."

Samuelsson: "HMMM, OKAY. ANYWAY, WHERE WAS I."

TTD: "You were yelling."

Samuelsson: "THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS SCOLDING YOU FOR TREATING ME LIKE A 2ND CLASS CITIZEN ON MY OWN PLANET. I WOULD'VE REALLY WENT OFF THE DEEPEST END AND SAID '3RD CLASS' BUT IN FAIRNESS TO YOU AND YOUR PROPERTIES I AM IN FACT NOT TODD BERTUZZI."

TTD: "We appreciate that."

Samuelsson: "DON'T MENTION IT. BUT WHAT I REALLY CAME HERE FOR WAS TO PERFORM INQUISITION ON YOU, SIRS. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS. LIKE WHY DO YOU CONTINUOUSLY FRAME ME AS ROBIN WILLIAMS ON YOUR WEBSITE."

TTD: "Huh?"

Samuelsson: "YOU KNOW, HOW HE WAS STRICKEN WITH THE DISEASE WHERE HE WAS A WEE CHILD IN AN ADULT'S BODY. WHAT WAS THAT ILLNESS CALLED.... PLANTER FASCITIS, I THINK. ANYWHO, YOU DO THIS TO ME AND QUITE FRANKLY I FIND IT JUVENILE AND OFF-PUTTING. HAVE YOU NO SHAME. AND BY THE WAY, I USE QUESTION MARKS YOU DOLTS, SO FEEL FREE TO USE THOSE ANYTIME."

TTD: "Well then...."

Samuelsson: "AND ANOTHER THING. WATCH THIS VIDEO-- NO, IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE. IT'S A VIDEO OF ME SPEAKING LIKE A NORMAL, BIPEDAL HUMAN. EXPLAIN TO ME HOW YOU GOT *THIS* OUT OF *THAT* (lots of hand movement)."



TTD: "But dude, you are TALKING LIKE THIS as we speak. Yeah you are using a regular-person voice in that interview, but right now--"

Samuelsson: "ALRIGHT I CONFESS. THIS IS MY REAL VOICE. HOW DARE I ACCOST YOU IN SUCH A MANNER WHEN I CANNOT RESPECT MY TRUE IDENTITY. I OWE YOU FELLOWS AN APOLOGY. IT IS UNSPEAKABLE HOW I HAVE TREATED YOU TODAY."

TTD: "Sam it's not a big deal, we really don't mind."

Samuelsson: "NONSENSE AND HORSECOCK--"

TTD: "Horse cock?"

Samuelsson: "--POPPYCOCK, I SAID POPPYCOCK. HERE -- WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS HALF-EATEN PACKAGE OF TRISCUITS THAT I HAPPEN TO BE CARRYING. NO OTHER GIFT COULD SYMBOLIZE MY SORROW QUITE LIKE THIS REDUCED FAT NABISCO TREAT."

TTD: "Okay Sam, thanks. And thank you for stopping by."

Samuelsson: "DON'T MENTION IT, FRIENDS. ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO VISIT SCRAPPY OCTOPUS."

TTD: "Eh, close enough."

**********


And so wraps up our 500th post. We thank you for your patronage and support, and hope you stick with us for another 500 or so, even after we become a $29.99 monthly insider subscription. Enjoy the weekend.

Go Wings.


12 comments:

Chris Hollis said...

Congrats guys. 500 posts in quite the accomplishment.

My pants are on the floor in the only tribute I could think of for such a monumental occasion.

jennbikegirl said...

Congratulations on #500! Great work as always.

Great to see Sammy back. I missed him.

Natalie said...

Congrats, TTD! Thank you for rocking our socks all this time.

P.S. Nanerpuss is my FAVE!

Guilherme Calciolari said...

Congratulations, Emilio and Murph.

Osrt said...

Congrats on 500 dudes.

Just to top Hollis, I've taken off my pants AND am vigorously rubbing my penis and vagina together.

That's how much I love you.

Eat that Hollis.

El said...

An excellent tribute to such a great milestone, plus Sammy and even sans midgets. Congrats!

I'm still a little sad you didn't get to Datsyuk on Sega...

Baroque said...

I just played the Nannerpuss clip five times in a row, and laughed each time.

Thank you for that. And for welcoming back Sammy for a guest appearance.

cmk said...

Congrats on #500. I'm looking forward to (at the very least) 500 more!

Brendan said...

Congrats bud. And to this:

'The unofficially official Darren Helm song...'

I first heard about it here, this season, when they played that song at the Joe against Anaheim and all of a sudden Z scores a hat trick. You wrote about it. Am I right? Do I win?

Triple Deke Staff said...

Thanks errybody.

@Brendan...

I did not know that they played any song at the Joe other than Hit The Road Jack and the Mortal Kombat song, let alone the song that we somehow dubbed the Darren Helm song. Yes, you read it here, and quite obviously the audio crew at JLA reads TTD.

Anonymous said...

Jeff - OKWingnut

Nannerpuss - murdered - good gawd. Great job finding a stand-in. Maybe he will have more mojo than the old fuched up nannerpus - - who may or may not have been consumed in post alcohol rage.

Darren Helm - classic.

beanie said...

Love your stuff. Here's to another 500 posts form you guys. Keep up the great work.