May 7, 2010

Conference Semifinals, Game 4 -- Red Wings vs, Sharks


DETROIT RED WINGS 7 - 1 SAN JOSE SHARKS



Even though The Mule had been putting up the points, he wasn't finding the goals. He had been frustrated and admitted to John Keating that he yearned for the touch of a red nosed balding pseudo poet was lacking in goal scoring confidence. Playing along side that worthless schmuck Pavel Datsyuk was really holding him back. We had begun to wonder where the game-changing, dominant mule faced man had wandered off to.

Then last night happened. Johan Franzen put a Jihad out on the San Jose Sharks. And if you don't believe it, then he'll put a Jihad on you too.



In reality, the Wings could lose Game 5 and this will all be fairly irrelevant. Also reality: it's muthafuckin' FRIDAY Y'ALL and it's time to enjoy yourselves for at least another 24 hours.

I like Joe Thornton about as much as the idea of a taint paper cut. Other thoughts ...

  • Ericsson learned his lesson on pinching by immediately doing it again 3 minutes into the game and causing a 2-on-1 the other way. Luckily it was defended better this time and the Sharks stayed off the board. But I'm still in favor of chipping in to get Big E a shock collar.
  • Brad Stuart got hurt and didn't return to the game after a collision along the boards in the first period. While watching the replay, Mick remarked that Stu didn't even show any pain on his face. That, quite obviously, is because he's from Rocky fucking Mountain House, Alberta, mother fucker. You don't come from RMH and show some pussy-assed "ouchie" face up in this bitch. You act like a gentle breeze flew through your hair and swallow that pain lke it's cotton candy. Mmmmmmm, pain tastes fucking delicious when you're from The Rock.
  • Mattias Ritola played instead of Jason Williams, and honestly I didn't notice anything from him that was more eye-catching than his little biography graphic, which stated he is a fan of UofM sports. Of course he is. Isn't that what 3/4 of all UofM fans are? People with no educational attachment to the school whatsover who just root for them because they (used to) win all he time? I bet Ritola wears a dirty maize and blue Starter pullover jacket and pushes a shopping cart around town when he's not playing. Have I done enough to start alienating some readers yet? Where the fuck are our trolls? They promised us trolls. Two years into this shit and we don't have one fucking troll.
  • I have to say that it was a really good game from #44, too. I have to say this. Literally. He's holding a shotgun to my right eye socket as I type and is making me do this.
  • John Keating to #44 during the first intermission: "...the puck went in off one of your muscular thighs..." I'm done with Keats after this. I just can't do it anymore. There has to be some sort of intervention and a 12 step program we can get him on so that his life can get back on track. This is absurd. Muscular thighs. Jesus Christ.
  • Jumbo Joe has some nerve hitting Z in the back of the head and then claiming he dove. I mean, hell, even if he did dive -- you're really going there, Joe? Honestly? Have you seen that fucking swan you have in goal? Or that Littlegoochi guy who seems like he could use one of these?
  • From the classy (using this term genuinely ... I know it gets confusing) Mr. Plank at Fear the Fin:
"Safe to say this was the worst game San Jose has played this postseason. That being said, don't piss your pants just yet. Game five will be the hardest game for Detroit to win this entire series. Hate to say it's a must-win considering the Sharks have a 3-1 series lead, but it's just about close. Want no part of a game six at The Joe."

I'd have to agree. They don't want to come back to Detroit (but hey, who would? What a shitty city! lol unemployment) and might be playing Game 5 with their scalps on fire. Whether that turns out to be a good thing or not remains to be seen. It sounds pretty awful though. I for one thing that would hurt quite a bit.

Go Wings



19 comments:

Baroque said...

I could try fake trolling to make you happy. I've ready enough of their fractured prose that I could fake it (although I might sprain my brain with the attempt).

Guilherme Calciolari said...

Isn't that what 3/4 of all UofM fans are? People with no educational attachment to the school whatsover who just root for them because they (used to) win all he time?

LIAR! We're UM fans because of its long and proud tradition, and because there we made friends for a lifetime, and achieved a level of knowledge you'll never get close to reach. Also, UM is not green!

Guilherme Calciolari said...

Vai Corinthians!!!

J.J. from Kansas said...

Sharks trolls can't figure out the internet. San Jose is such a backwoods hick town...

Dena said...

Isn't that what 3/4 of all UofM fans are? People with no educational attachment to the school whatsover who just root for them because they (used to) win all he time?

I...I...love you.

Natalie said...

I'm still in favor of chipping in to get Big E a shock collar.

Got a Pay Pal account? I'll throw in $10.

Cliff's Notes said...

Dammit Tyler.

Just realized that my three favorite sportsblogs are written by a Spartan, a Buckeye (Club Tril), and a Leaf fan (DGB).

I pray that I don't end up in a hot tub time machine and meet myself from 1990. My younger self would kick the shit out of me.

I need to learn to be a better troll. Go Wings.

-University of Michigan BSME 1995

Primis said...

Isn't it amazing how now the last 2 years, there's all that maize and blue garbage in the stores marked on clearance that nobody wants and still won't sell?

By the way, has anybody found Joe Thornton's testicles yet? We've had a good 12 hours to look...

Cameron Kittle said...

When I started in on the lines about Ritola and his attachment to Michigan, I figured it would be something ridiculous that I could ignore. But then you basically described my Wolverines fanhood exactly. Scary.

Triple Deke Staff said...

I'll amend the Michigan thing to accept it if you're from Ann Arbor or the east side of the state. Really that rant came from where I grew up, where UM fans make disparaging State jokes despite there being no local or educational connection, or even a distant relative who went to the school.

Like the other day at work. Guy goes completely out of his way to make a really lame "MSU people are dumb" joke; I say "where did you go to college?", and he says "Well, I didn't." That's the sort of thing I'm talking about.

- Tyler

J.J. from Kansas said...

I live pretty much halfway between KU and MU, but went to neither. KU fans have these shirts that say "MUCK FIZZOU" and I think it's pretty much one of the dumbest things somebody's put on a shirt since "Frankie Says: Relax".

Moral of the story: I guess sophomoric bullshit in collegiate rivalries is somehow more fitting.

Alternate moral: It really is hard to use the word "sophomoric" without sounding like an asshole.

cmk said...

Spartans? UofM? Wolverines? Sorry--I'm WAY too far up north to understand any of this. Now, if you want to talk about douchebag Packer fans, then I'm all over THAT like white on rice. ;)

It was so nice to actually be able to laugh while reading this today--the laughing has been too sparse for me lately. (The Wings, as well as other things in my life.) Thank you for being part of my life--even though you are imaginary.

Rob said...

The part about Keating had me literally shitting myself. You owe me a pair of boxers

Triple Deke Staff said...

Thank you for being part of my life--even though you are imaginary.

Always welcome, cmk.

Baroque said...

I forgot to mention that I am so glad I'm not the only one disturbed by Keating. I'm not a hockey player and think I would probably be safe, but would not feel comfortable in a room alone with him AT ALL.

He's creepy and looks like he has wandering hands.

beanie said...

"Johan Franzen put a Jihad out on the San Jose Sharks. And if you don't believe it, then he'll put a Jihad on you too."

Fuck Yeah!

Can someone put a jihad out on Joe Thornton's balls too? I want to see him sing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0W5w691w0jE

Chris said...

CMK, are you in Marquette?

Chris said...

Someone's gotta find Joe's balls first.

cmk said...

Chris: Yes, I am in Marquette. Originally from farther north, however. (And yes, non-Yoopers, there IS something further north than Marquette. ;))