November 18, 2010

Game #15 -- Red Wings vs. Blues


Over here!
I'm over HERE! See me?

Oh hey, I see you over there.

Whaddya think? I'm left-aligned!
It's different!

Yeah I see that. Stop shouting, please.

Oh, sorry.

It's okay.

I'm just excited, is all. I feel born again,
you know? I can't wait to speak my mind
and be all up on the left and stuff. Like just
sitting up on this left margin and being like,
"Today there was a hockey game and this
and that." I wish I had arms and legs so I
could do a cartwheel, I really do. I mean I
guess I can just say "cartwheel" and boom,
there it is, but, you know. Know what I'm

How in the fuck would I know
what you're saying.


I'm Right alignment, you burgled turd.
Nobody uses me.
I am nothing. I am completely worthless.
I am the condom in Tomas Kopecky's wallet.

Well I'm sorry man, I wasn't trying to...
'Burgled turd'?

Yeah, like you're not even a "turd burglar".
You are the result of the turd burglaring.

Wow, that's pretty low.

You think you're something else. You're traditional,
you have values. You stand for something.
What the fuck am I? I'm right-shitting-alignment
is what I am. I don't get used for anything important.
Sure I'll jot down a name or a date or two.
Or when Ed Belfour does a line of coke
and types mindless number coding from right to left
in a Notepad document because he woke up naked on a
stack of Time magazines and thinks he can solve
the energy crisis. It's bullshit, man. I've got
legitimate stuff to say to0. But you and the Center
guy get all the attention.

Leave me out of this.

Whatever, you guys are dicks.

I've never seen this side of you.

I have never, ever been on this blog before.
You have literally never seen any side of me.

I was just trying to make conversation.

Go to hell.


Recap bullets:

  • Less than 20 seconds in: Jimmy inadvertently shoveled the puck right out in front of the crease, somehow lost track of it despite it moving slower than he does through a buffet line, and if not for Datsyuk's well-placed stick it would've been a very early 1-0 hole. Since I do these posts on the fly, I've marked down here, "19:40 1st period: not a good feeling about this." I hope I'm wrong, Future Me. (Additional note to future self: Use time machine to avoid heavy investment in trapper keepers. It may seem like the apex of portable organization, but trust me on this one. Although I guess I don't have to tell you to do this if a time machine already exists in your world. But since my current reality hasn't been changed ... oh God --

  • Drew Miller would score a goal by having Jaro Halak deflect the puck twice off his own stick and behind him into his own net.
  • Feeling exponentially better about Jimmy by the end of the 1st period. A full extension toe save kept the game 1-1 going into the intermission. At this point I wasn't feeling that great about my own physical condition, as just watching this save tore both my groins clean off the bone.
  • Chintzy but expected hooking call on Mule (gotta know by now that reaching like that is going to put you in the box more times than not) led to an all too easy looking power play goal. The absolutely never lethal Brad Winchester had a relatively easy goal from right on top of the crease. It was Winchester's first goal recorded at any level of organized ice hockey.
  • Patrik TURD Berglund. Oh Yeah. Yep.
  • Doesn't matter what the combination is. Helm/Abdelkader/Miller. Helm/Abdelkader/Eaves. Abdelkader/Murph/Murph's lamp shade. They're all fun to watch. Wings 2nd goal: Loved seeing all three 4th liners drive the Blues D back into Halak, then immediately post up two guys at the crease for instant traffic. They're presence bought Raf enough space to place a perfect shot-pass to Abby's stick for the goal.
  • Credit Crafty Raf again for a great keep-in on Dan Cleary's goal. Cleary's sixth straight game with a goal. Okay fine, he's good looking.
  • Too many D-zone lapses. Way too many. My thought after two periods (tied at 3): If not for two lucky deflections and a phenomenal toe save from Jimmy, this isn't even a game.
  • Another really solid night from Big E. Hope people are taking notice.
  • Completely out of nowhere: Modano to Cleary, then Vintage Hank Zetterberg, then a Brad Stuart power play goal (No seriously), then a Homer. It was 3-3, and the Blues were pressing hard. The Wings somehow didn't look prepared for how heavily they were forechecking. Lack of urgency. This was the Blues game to win, not to lose by four goals.
  • ... In other words -- sounds like we have something special here.
  • Few things better than an unraveling Blues team with an inferiority complex at the end of a game.

Wild on Friday.

Go Wings.


J.J. from too close to St. Louis said...

I'm happy to report that my boycott is over.

Jonathan Ericsson was better than good, he was the Wings' best defenseman last night. I don't necessarily want exactly that to keep happening, but I could get used to him not sucking on the regular. Yak Blood who now?

AxeMaster9 said...

Center Alignment is the creation of a wild, shit faced, one night stand at the office Christmas party where Left and Right alignment finally hooked up (like everyone in the office KNEW they would, the hate was just for show). 9 uncomfortable months later out pops Center alignment and the world was suddenly right. Bottom line, stick with Center. She is good to you, she has treated you well over these years. You don't throw that away. Who do you think you are, Happy Hudler?

Harren said...

"Or when Ed Belfour does a line of coke..."

Oh my god I love this blog.

vikbash said...

Right Aligned is used in accounting spreadsheets more than anything else... seriously, numbers align on the right. Seeing as how I'm in finance work, right align is king.

Oh yeah, and hockey game recap was swell.

Erin said...

"Oh my god I love this blog."

Amen, especially because that line led me to wiki Belfour and read this sparkling gem:
"Early in the 00-01 season...while under arrest and being transported to the local division, he allegedly offered Dallas police officers one billion dollars for his release without charges."

Osrt said...

That was the greatest alignment dialogue I've ever read. Seriously. Fuching Ever.

You, JJ and Mick are all making me notice E's solid play. That dish to Modano where Mo faked but didn't finish...that pass from E was sick though. He even shifted his angle by shifting the weight on his skate edges; Dats does that better than anyone else.

Finally, I think you're a warm fuzzy bear that needs a hug.

Anonymous said...

Jeff OKWingnut

"In other words -- sounds like we have something special here."

When DET gets outplayed for 40 mins, and the #1 line gets owned (I don't remember ever typing that sentence), and we still win by 4 goals;

we may indeed have something special.