November 29, 2010

Game #21 -- Red Wings vs. Blue Jackets


I've always wanted to try this for fun. Below is a word-for-word transcript of Larry Murphy's pregame segment on Jimmy Howard, done in Murph's trademark choppy cadence and inexplicable emphasis on random words. Replaying this enough times to get the words right gave me voice immodulation disorder. Here it was:

"HUH YES ..... it's been an issue for the Red Wings and with last game Jimmy Howard only giving up ONE .... the Columbus Blue Jackets FELT .... that they had a number of great scoring opportunities .... they felt that they had an EXCELLENT chance to win JIMMY HOWARD WAS THE DIFFERENCE .... he faced .... THIRTY FIVE .... SHOTS ... in this one .... a number of .... CLOSE IN .... SAVES .... Jimmy Howard was STRONGmoved well LATERALLY .... FOUND THE PUCK in TRAFFIC .... on the POWER PLAY .............................."


".................THE Blue Jackets had SIX outstanding CHANCES he STOPS the PENALTY SHOT .... the Blue Jackets felt HE WAS the REASON .... the WINGS WON two nights ago AND THEY EXPECT TO PEPPER .... as many SHOTS as POSSIBLE and hope ..... they're hoping for more breaks ..... offensively." (Murph was then sprayed with a fire hose.)

  • Just realized that at least 50% of my material comes from Mick and Murph. If I ever move out of Michigan this blog is screwed.
  • The Wings wore their road whites at the Blue Jackets' request so that they could wear and promote their new 3rd jerseys. What the hell is this shit? We're accommodating other teams' wishes in our own building? They must have some dirt on us. Columbus' marketing department has pictures of Mike Ilitch fucking a Domino's pizza or something. If this were the cutthroat Norris Division of old, such a request would get you a house call from Joe Kocur and a can of gasoline. Not to mention a salty letter from Ilitch himself, which would usually arrive about a month late because it was sent by carrier pigeon.
  • I've written on this site before how few things in life scare me more than Rick Nash driving to the net with the puck. Every time he does this, I think his skates are going to chop off the goalie's hands like a flea market thief in the Middle East. Nash did this with under a minute to go in the first period (On Lidstrom, no less); I closed my eyes and prepared myself in the event that one of Jimmy's severed hands would slap a fan across the face in the 8th row, and when I looked up, Columbus had scored.
  • Gary Sinise stopped by the booth in Dino Ciccarelli's clothes to chat with Mick and Ken before the 2nd period. Sinise was promoting his movie Mission to Mars, which you can find for $4.95 at Walmart if you have the physical endurance and absence of self-respect to dig all the way to the bottom of their ridiculously huge DVD bargain bin. I'm pretty sure this exact thing was a challenge on Legends of the Hidden Temple.
  • Random to put a (relatively) minor officiating gripe from the 2nd period in here, but when Zetterberg was blatantly tripped with the puck about 15 feet in front of Steve Mason, right out in the open, plain as day, and no call ...... I mean, how? How? What else are you looking at?
  • Tronwall.

  • Right after the Kron goal, Babs puts the Red Bull line out there for that post-goal energy shift, and it nets them a second goal like five seconds later. I loved this. They won a scrambled faceoff and went two men deep on the forecheck; Miller prevented the BJs from sending the puck back out and Helm finished on a wrist shot. A handwritten blueprint for the ideal energy shift could not look any better than what this goal was.
  • It never fails. You make fun of Fil's looks in one post, and then by the next he scores a goal (That's a thing, right?) He's really good.
  • Derek Dorsett, high sticks Henrik Zetterberg in the face. Derek Dorsett, to official: "It never touched him in the fucking face!" LIAR. And might I add: Bagofdicks.
  • Three straight games for Nick without a point. Fuck's wrong with this asshole?
  • Columbus 5 on 3, 3rd period: I started this bullet with "Minus a flillion points to Kronner for taking a dumb holding penalty," and then it turned out to be the Blue Jackets worst case scenario. They don't know what to do on the 2 man advantage. They're totally lost. And as the penalty kill wore on, the Wings became more energized and aggressive, and the crowd capped it off with a great ovation.

Working the graveyard shift Tuesday at the Sharks, 10:30.

Go Wings.


Matt Saler said...

I'm pretty sure this exact thing was a challenge on Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Ah, the Nickelodeon of our childhood... I'd probably think it sucks now, but it was so awesome then. Better than today's Nickelodeon, anyway.

Three straight games for Nick without a point.

Clearly he saw the Hart talk and said, "Uh, no, I'm not going to Las Vegas this summer. I'll be flying back to Sweden in a jet fueled by the tears of Red Wings fans. Ah, retirement!"

hockeychic said...

I feel the same way about Rick Nash...he skates in on Howard, I hide my head. I never would have believed the Wings would keep him off the score sheet for two straight games.

Alyssa said...

A million points to you, sir, for a Legends of the Hidden Temple reference! Greatest children's quiz/obstacle course show of my youth.

For some reason I always hate when the game-winning goal is on an empty net. A game-winning goal should be something awesome, not taking advantage of the other team's last-ditch effort for some points. But that's just me. Cleary's goal was still pretty.

Mandingo said...

God, that Murph sh*t is hilarious

patleb940 said...

@ Alyssa

Actually, in this case, the game winning goal was the 3rd one, which was Filppula's.

Alyssa said...

@ patleb940 Ah, thanks for the clarification. I'm a bit of a n00b, but I try.

Kjell said...

This Larry Murphy right?

Baroque said...

Nick sucks.

We should trade him while the rest of the NHL still thinks he has value and get some young prospects or draft picks for him. Although we should really try to find him a team that has a chance to win so he can go out on a high note - like maybe Tampa Bay, or Pittsburgh, or Washington. Heck, maybe we could even get Mike Green for him.

Osrt said...

^Hah. Long memory Ms. B!

Seriously dude, I can't read this shit in public without risking deportation.


catchpa: "factose" I have a factose intolerance.

Baroque said...

@ Osrt

How could I forget something so freaking laughable. :D