December 4, 2010

Game #23 -- Red Wings at Ducks


DETROIT RED WINGS 4 - 0 ANAHEIM DUCKS


Any time you're doing your all-important 550th "Larry Murphy-commemorated" post, and it's early Saturday morning after work and you're firing up the DVR to recap a game, you have live blog it. It's just the rule. Thus, this is an official TTD DRW LB recap, complemented with PHD, LSD and OPP. I'm lost.

John Keating was down at ice level before the game interviewing the current #55, reminding him that Teemu Selanne bathed his beautiful Salma Hayek-looking face with his own tears a month ago after Kron destroyed him at the Joe, and asked if he thought the Ducks would be head hunting tonight. Kronner just sort of shook it off and said, "If I dies, I dies" and gave Keating a suplex onto the Honda Center ice.

Sorry for ruining Salma Hayek for you, by the way.


1ST PERIOD

20:00 -- Brad Watson is reffing this game. Yeah okay.

20:00 -- Anaheim is wearing their disastrous, disastrous alternate uniforms. All the random orange and stripes .... it's as if it were designed by an actual, for real duck. Who was also blind and retarded. Like they kidnapped a duck, took it down into George Parros' 70s porn cavern, handed it some black cloth and bucket of orange paint and told it to make magic.

19:05 -- Is that ..... a Let's Go Red Wings chant? Definitely a four syllable chant, if you were there I'd love to know. Plus, it was pretty damn loud when:

18:51 -- GOAL ... Mule scores a minute in from a bad angle after a horrible Lubo Visnovsky giveaway. Visnovsky sat behind the net for 10 solid seconds before deciding that being down 1-0 early was the best route to go.

14:55 -- Today is Igor Larionov's 50th birthday. Fifty! I was certainly caught off guard by this. Not only was it not that long ago that he was in the NHL, but also, I never really looked at him as being decrepitly old like I did with Chelios.

13:48 -- Crazy near-goal sequence. Wings win a scrum at the half boards in Anaheim's zone, forcing a turnover. Puck comes in from the point; Helm has a gaping net but a bad angle and hits the post, and Hiller covers before Homer can slam a rebound in.

13:48 -- Mega gigabyte, son.

11:50 -- After years of Vancouver training, Bertuzzi tries the Sedin twins' trademark backdoor pass to Mule. It fails. Bert is sort of a (really really) poor man's "Sedin twin", if you think about it, with the attempts at all of the cute stick handling and puck possession stuff. If we found out that he was actually their long lost older Canadian brother, I wouldn't be so shocked about it. I also wouldn't be shocked to find out that he was raised by a family of Kodiak bears.

4:27 -- Pav high sticks Paul Mara, and apologizes to him as the play is still going on. I have absolutely never seen that in hockey before, not ever. The game was delayed for five minutes as Datsyuk was immediately awarded the 2011 Lady Byng trophy. And then another 15 minutes to explain to each Duck player what the Lady Byng is.


2ND PERIOD

19:20 -- Another shaky start to a period by Anaheim as the Wings nearly score twice. The Ducks were honoring their southern California crowd by showing up as late as they usually do.

14:56 -- A highlight package of the high-scoring George Parros is shown, and then a graphic showing that Parros has the same number of goals (3) as Henrik Sedin. I don't buy this for a second. It's more believable that Parros is actually Gallagher.

13:31 -- Yet again, a deadly Anaheim giveaway in their own end. Helm is ROBBED by the unbeatable glove of Jonas Hiller. It's still 1-0.

11:31 -- Corey Perry is stopped on a breakaway while Lidstrom hustles back to hassle him. Random thought: You know what really annoys me? People who, here in 2010, are still saying it LIND-strom. Oh it's out there, friends. He's been here for two decades and is one of the 10 greatest players of all time. 100% of hockey fans should probably be pronouncing the name correctly.

8:52 -- Tim Allen is shown in the stands. When he's not doing voice-over work for every other commercial, he is now appearing on the programs between the commercials.

5:58 -- BANG, 2-0. Linderstrom heads the puck up the middle to Datsyuk, leaves for Hank who shoots, Homer pounds in the rebound. Corey Perry, who couldn't muscle Homer away from the crease to prevent the goal, cross checks him afterward. The biggest reason that I couldn't be a professional athlete isn't the lack of skill or work ethic -- it's that I couldn't let something like this pass without chopping the guy's head off with my hockey stick.

1:34 -- CLEARY. 3-0. We're closer to goon-it-up territory if this carries through the 3rd period, which is worrisome, but for now let's bask in Dan(ny) Cleary's amazing golden balls. He has to stop scoring eventually, right? This isn't normal.


3RD PERIOD

18:45 -- Big E makes a nice defensive play, as Ken mentions that he's +2 and looking solid tonight. Haters keep hatin'.

17:40 -- Nick takes a puck off the helmet, but he's okay. The puck became 12% more intelligent from coming in contact with his brain.

16:35 -- BIG hit from Brad Stuart, Wings kill another Duck power play. The Ducks are a good power play team at home, but with Selanne out recovering from being in the horrible movie "Grown Ups" they aren't as potent.

14:00 -- The Ducks take their first penalty of the game. This is the latest into a game that they have taken their first penalty since facing Germany in the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games.

11:15 -- If you didn't laugh your ass off when Murph let out a Rick Flair-like "WOOOOOOOOO" at the $1 Hot Dog Night graphic, then we probably wouldn't make very good friends.

10:00 -- Almost hoping Kron doesn't see the ice if it's still 3-0 the later this gets, just in case somebody feels like taking a run at him. We'll know if something is afoot if Parros takes the ice with a giant fruit smashing mallet instead of a stick.

3:32 -- Okay that has to be a "Let's go Red Wings". And that is awesome.

0:30 -- Holy sack, what a pass from Ericsson. Seriously, the dude is back. Fil buries it, 4-0 ... familiar scoreline for these teams.


Ha, didn't see until now that Z popped Perry in the back of the head after he cross checked Homer.

YES.

Go Wings.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

''I also wouldn't be shocked to find out that he was raised by a family of Kodiak bears''

now,that's what I'm talking about,gotta love Bert.
e

Spencer J said...

This post was gold. Hahahaha nice work!

J.J. from Northhampfordshireburgh said...

11:15 -- If you didn't laugh your ass off when Murph let out a Rick Flair-like "WOOOOOOOOO" at the $1 Hot Dog Night graphic, then we probably wouldn't make very good friends.

In a night full of highlights, that might have been the ultimate one. They showed the graphic and Murph let out the WOOOOOOOO before Ken got a chance to intro it or anybody had the chance to read what the screen said, but everybody instantly knew that a reference to dollar hot dogs was coming, because the only other thing that gets Murph that excited can't be broadcast on American television.

Osrt said...

Murph and Ken had a conversation about the $1 hot dogs too, with Ken joking that Murph circles all those games beforehand.

DefINITELY came Murph's REPLY.

I was cracking up and trying to explain to Sophia why. She may leave me soon.

Laura said...

As a Wings fan in attendance at both the Ducks and Kings games, I can verify that there were multiple "Let's Go Red Wings" chants at both games!