February 28, 2010

February 25, 2010

Guest Post at the H2H Blog



I wrote a little ditty about the cool prizes you can win by donating to the H2H fund. If you ever want to see your stupid family again, you will go there and pitch in five bucks. No really -- I've got your dad right now in the camel clutch, holding a pen to his neck. Hahahahaha, a "pen". Because I'm a blogger! With the writing!

What a day of hockey yesterday, almost too much of it to process. And commentator ignorance. However, in Mike Milbury's defense, he's dumber than a bag of ape dicks (note to NBC: this is an unconscionably horrible defense.) I only have a few minutes here so I'll have to end this abruptly and most appropriately:





February 22, 2010

Olympics, Day # kadhf;ajd;kfafksd: USA vs. Canadadkfaj;dfkja;skdfj

UNITED STATES 5 - 3 CANADA


If one picture could symbolize my mood right now:





Best game I've seen in at least four years. If not 12. That's a lie but per usual I'm not worried.

Cheering your lungs out for Pat Kane might be painful, but you've still got a now 25 year old Brian Rafalski, the phenomenal Ryan Miller, Inglorious Backes, your secret mancrush Zach Parise and a bunch of others that put on a fantastic bend-but-don't-break performance last night.

It will be hard to duplicate if these teams meet again down the road .... but who gives a shit at the moment. If you're an American and a hockey fan, that game was one of the bad assiest things you've ever seen. Enjoy this into the night and call in sick tomorrow so you can go punch a mountie and wipe your ass with maple leaves all day*. Am I right, dino-riding Jesus? I thought so.

* Don't do this. This is stupid.

  • Rafalski has four goals in 57 games this year for the Red Wings. He now has four goals in the last four periods for Team U.S.A. I loved the reaction of the team after his 2nd goal; I think they were all joyously saying "We're really doing this!" in unison.
  • Livonia Native Ryan Kesler (TM Ken Daniels/Fox Sports Detroit and may be reused repeatedly under penalty of "awesome") scored what has to be one of the best empty net goals in hockey history. I'm probably unfairly judging that because Corey Perry was burned on the play ..... wait I change my mind, I'm very properly judging this. In fact it was the greatest moment in the history of bipedal forward movement of humans. And was also followed by a great celebration that included Parise yelling "FUCK YEAH".
  • Ryan Miller carried his stellar NHL play over from the regular season to the pressure-packed international environment seamlessly, and he did it with his whole team on his back. 42 saves -- including an incredible glove save from his stomach late in the game -- and an unquestioned #1 star.
  • As happy as you were when Langenbrunner tipped in the 4th U.S. goal, you were a little mad at him for getting you hopes up over a Rafalski hat trick. I haven't been this mad at Langenbrunner since his goal from center ice in the 1998 Conference Finals (total number of times I've been mad at Jamie Langenbrunner in my life: 2).
  • Random note: check out new Wings site Wings Win, Eh?, if for no other reason than the fact that punctuation is in the name. That's just ballsy.
  • Quarterfinal matchup for the U.S. is Wednesday afternoon. I can't emphasize enough how entertained I am over this tourament and this team. U.S.A. for the win.

February 18, 2010

Olympics Day #2: Finland vs. Belarus


FINLAND 5 - 1 BELARUS


I told you I was all over that Belarus.

Your favorite Red Wing and my closet-favorite Red Wing scored a goal in this one. Check out Fil going all Holmstrom to pick one up for the Fins. And also check out Olli Jokinen, who has apparently stolen Wendel Clark's mustache. NBC/The Olympics are tools in that I can't embed video, so I'm settling for the far less appealing link. It's Jay Leno's fault.

There was a ton of hockey action on last night. However, I'm getting old and somehow fell asleep at like 10 o'clock. I was so confused. I mean, hell, you all see the 4 a.m. timestamps on some of these posts; a 10 pm bedtime was enough to make me think I had been roofied.

So while I was sleeping I missed Peter Forsberg, Jaromir Jagr, and Uwe Krupp. Or the year 1996, in other words. Highly disappointing. The Swedes won a tough one with Germany 2-0 and the Czechs beat the Slovaks 3-1. My sources tell me that Marian Hossa has already signed a new deal to join the Czech Republic.

February 17, 2010

Olympics Day #1: Russia vs. Latvia


RUSSIA 8 - 2 LATVIA


To say I was looking forward to watching this game is an understatement. I put on my pretend Igor Larionov Red Army sweater, drank chilled Vodka like water and vomited it back up like vomit, and spent two hours before the game watching Rocky IV backwards (when you watch it that way, Drago is the good guy and kills Adrienne instead of Apollo, which makes for a much, much better movie. Trust me on this.)

I have not yet had a chance to watch the USA / Switzerland game, so here is a quick recap of a game I did get to see.

  • I Heard shortly before the game that we'd see a line of Ovechkin-Datsyuk-Semin. That line is too incredible. My first thought after reading the news was that Datsyuk might not take another shot until March.
  • The terribly aging Sergei Fedorov assisted on the first two goals of the game. Awesome to watch Sergei again, even with him sporting the number 29, and even if he's starting to look like the skeleton that occupied my high school's biology room.
  • KHL guys helped open the scoring, including Alex Radulov, the former Nashville Predator. Radulov later became disgruntled and fled to join Norway's curling team.
  • There was a moment in the 1st period when it appeared announcer Kenny Albert pronounced a Latvian player's name as "Syphilis". Turns out is was this guy, but I prefer to think that Latvia has a sexually transmitted disease moving through their locker room.
  • Kovalchuk scored a fantastic one-timer goal while on one knee for Russia's 7th goal. Every time you watch Kovalchuk wind up for a shot, it increases your sperm count. This is true. (It's too hard to get through one of these without making a Semin/semen joke, so I'm meeting myself in the middle.)
  • This is mind-blowing: I am still trying to process how the Olympics are in Canada and this flapping-headed logo was approved.

Russia is immensely entertaining to watch. Tomorrow we'll get to see Finland, Sweden, Slovakia and the Czech Republic. International hockey is simply the balls, and don't let my dad tell you otherwise.

February 15, 2010

The Olympic Break



You're probably wondering what TTD is going to look like over the next two weeks--

whoa, wait. Holy balls is that ever narcissistic. I'm sure there's at least one of you out there who doesn't wonder about our every move, write Triple Deke fan fiction or buy our merchandise from the non-existent TTD store (but oh man, if there WAS a store I know you'd be all over a bottle of Wolf "Dentist" Stansson hair pomade. Which reminds me, in the event that we're ever sued by Disney, this whole "blog" thing never happened. I don't want any squealers to out us to that Mickey Mouse operatio.... well, yeah. Just pretend the last two years was all a figment of Matt Saler's profanity-laced/less-self-respecting portion of his brain. Where was I.)

Oh right, the Olympics. So the Games have begun, and hockey is soon to start. While many of you out there are against the NHL-ers participating and would rather our guys not have to play any additional games, the both of us here are heavily in favor for it. Seeing these players competing at the highest of international levels is awesome and doesn't happen every day, or year, so it's a wonder to behold or some shit like that. We're pumped and I don't mean in the gay way. (Or do I? Hmmm, the plot thickens. Or does it? Hmmmm. HMMMMMM.)

But since I've sworn off making announcements on this site, I'll tentatively say that we (MIGHT) provide game recaps for games that we see, notably the USA ones since we're from America and whatnot. And Sweden for obvious reasons. And Belarus. And the long jump if that ever becomes interesting. We don't plan on hibernating until March, is what I'm getting at.

So make some cocoa, put on your Ugg boots and keep hitting refresh while you wait for the magic. U-S-A!

February 12, 2010

Game #60 -- Red Wings vs. Sharks


SAN JOSE SHARKS 3 - 2 DETROIT RED WINGS (SO)


rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • If we went 4 whole season without one of these "50 shots/still lose" games, it wouldn't be long enough.
  • Who the hell was in goal for the Sharks? What happened to the guy who was something like 2-45 against the Wings? This guy was phenomenal.
  • What in the hell was with the ad graphics on the glass behind the goals? I'm not against advertising, I understand it's purpose. But come on, FSD. How about you show John Keating fucking a bag of money while you're at it.
  • It couldn't have felt better watching Franzen go top shelf for his first goal. This was on a power play that was drawn by Homer, who stormed the San Jose crease and nearly created an empty net goal for Meech. Anyone who says Homer doesn't add that much to the lineup anymore is a dicktard. (Also, the penalty was on Jed Ortmeyer, the moron who re-injured Kronner. Former Wolverine .... just saying.)
  • I'm probably the only one who found this funny: Mick brought up how the Hurricanes are going to be sellers before the trade deadline. Immediately after that sentence, Murph goes "WHITNEYYYY". It was a really weird, loud voice. Yeah it's probably just me.
  • Ryan Clowe is a fucking clown. Two Wings games now that he's delivered an elbow and denied it like somebody who was wrongfully accused of murder.
  • Also in that boat is Scott Nichol. He'd probably be a player you'd love to have on your team, but he's not, so he's a tool for cross checking Datsyuk in the ribs and then trying to throw a headbutt with the top of his helmet. Also, he looks like a guy who's breath smells like the inside of a colon.
  • The Sharks goal at the end of the 1st period was a calamity of defensive suck. You have Drapes pointing at the guy wide open in the slot instead of rotating over to cover for Big E (who I'm starting to think is legally blind). E could've noticed the open man if he wasn't so hellbent at staring a hole through Brad Stuart's ass.
  • Jason Williams tangent: I love the people that can't wait to get rid of this guy. If it's because his stock is way up after tonight, that's one thing, but I do not understand how so many people are fine with cutting him lose like he's a detriment. He had a broken leg for God's sake. If he's playing bottom six minutes and the 2nd power play, he's not going to be in your hair that much. When you're one of the five worst teams in the league at scoring goals, I would assume that most people would be in favor of keeping one of the few natural shooters that we have.
  • I get the feeling that Joe Thornton hates nothing more on this Earth than playing hockey against Pavel Datsyuk.
  • The first trade deadline is tomorrow. Any ideas swirling around in your head? How about the people on the "trade J-Will" wagon -- what do you think you can get for him? Unless Kenny completely swindles somebody, I think that a guy who has been playing 4th line on a one year deal might be more valuable to us than anyone else. I don't know who would give up anything viable for a Jason Williams rental.
With the Wings right up against the cap, the only high salary person I could see the Wings moving to free up space would be Stuart, but I think he has a no trade clause (and his stock is fairly low). Other than that there's a bunch of $1 million-and-under guys, and I don't see a huge deal happening out of that. We'll see.

February 11, 2010

Two Years of TTD

Today, The Triple Deke celebrates either its second birthday or second anniversary, I haven't decided which. I'm leaning toward "birthday" because those are more fun, and because it was a conception of an idea that was followed by a birth, screaming, crying, and copious amounts of blood.

It feels like we've been doing this for ages, so for this to be only the two-year mark is kind of strange. In that time our little site has grown from nothing to a slightly bigger form of nothing that includes the occasional Asian porn spam bot. I've enjoyed every minute of being able to discuss hockey and anything else with people who are as crazy about those things as me. Getting involved with the online hockey community was one of the best things I've ever done, as it has filled a large void where mumbling to myself and talking to the wall after Wings games used to take place.

I have to thank our readers for making that happen. Your patronage and general kindness has done wonders in terms of making me think that there might be people out there who aren't online predators. Granted, those folks still make up 65% of our readership, but the other 35% are a great bunch to talk to. Thank you for stopping by each day, linking us on the other lame sites that you read, recommending us to friends and buying our merchandise (oh wait, I'm reading from the 3rd Birthday thank-you speech which follows the unveiling of our Emilio Estevez pajamas .... forget I said anything.) I never, ever imagined that I would enjoy this as much as I have, and I owe that to you people. Having an audience to regurgitate my ramblings to makes writing a long post at 4:30 AM seem worthwhile. You guys are the best imaginary friends I could ask for.

Here's to another year (I'm holding up a glass of orange juice) of tomfoolery and hijinx the likes of which the world has never experienced. Or something.

Let's Go Red Wings.

February 10, 2010

Game #59 -- Red Wings at Blues

ST. LOUIS BLUES 4 - 3 DETROIT RED WINGS (SO)


Rock bottom. Forget the complementary reach-around point that was aided by a bunch of muck goals. This game sucked, and I might have to jump off the optimism bandwagon (but that's the awesome thing about bandwagons -- I can hop right back on whenever I want! I hate myself.)

A bit of a demonstration:

Coming into this game, the Blues were less than a day removed from a waxing out in Denver in which they looked lethargic and without knowledge that the playoffs are coming soon. They got back to St. Louis like 10 minutes before the opening faceoff. Chris Mason had just given up 5 goals on 3 shots. They have a terrible home record. Keith Tkachuk had just eaten Andy McDonald.

The Wings however had a couple days off, and you would figure they would've been stewing over the skull-fucking that happened on Saturday. Instead they give up 20 shots to a team near the bottom of that category in the first period and lacked any sense of a team chasing the fucking Nashville Predators for the 8th spot. Much of this game felt like a visual rape. For me, it's down to three explanation that I've long glossed over or argued against: "Heart", "Fatigue", and/or "Babcock".

I've been riding the 'Cock meatwagon for as long as I can remember. I love his scowl, his quotes, his philosophicalness, his hair, the way that I imagine he smells, and how he sort of looks like a large man-bird. But if the reason for the loss was the lack of a jump from his guys, with (relatively) plenty of rest, that's on him. He's gotta pull out the pictures of naked ladies or whatever coaches do to motivate teams. Too late in the season for a lack of effort.

If it was "heart"? Well, I just plain old don't like to go there. Too hard to decipher lack of heart from a lack of energy or preparedness. Too fine of a line between very different emotions that I would have to conjure up.

The "energy" thing ..... could that be it? Because I'm not hearing any of that out of Pittsburgh, and they've played the same number of games the last three years. There have been plenty of injuries, but it's not like Datsyuk and Zetterberg and Lidstrom are playing 28 minutes a night to make up for them.

This leaves me with six paragraphs of nothing. I have no clue. I hate this season.


  • Franzen's mustache was one of the few high points. It's not quite a pure mustache in that he had some beard stubble, but still. He totally lost a card game to Kirk Malby or something.
  • The ugly Draper goal was about as ugly as it gets. Even though Drapes hadn't scored since 1978 he still looked a bit ashamed of it. Oh, and then there was the obligatory review of the goal .... I vowed that a reversal of it would've caused me to turn off the game. I was dead serious. I would've banned myself from TV for two weeks had that been overturned.
  • Jim Howard made the save of the ekhfd;fha;dsjfadsjf;kakdajf; during the Overtime period. I hope he spends the Olympic break in a bath of ice, since it appears Babcock wants to play him until his skin falls off and/or Osgood organizes some sort of mass hostage situation.
  • Paul Kariya. Am I losing it? Does he always look like that? He made #44 look 80 years old. He looked like his NHL 97 avatar. (Kariya was stupid good in that game. He had nearly all 99's. When I was 10, I was of the assumption that he was a super hybrid of Gretzky, Brett Hull, Carl Lewis and cocaine.)
  • Did Nick have sort of a bad game? He seemed to make a couple of goofy decisions. Maybe I was lit, I don't know. <-----me being nervous about calling out Nick Lidstrom after a hockey game.
  • The first two goals were scored via foot deflections. The third one, I'm still not sure what happened. It could've osmosis'd its way in there. For all I know the only puck to cross the goal line from a Wings stick tonight was from Jason Williams. That makes me want to die a slow and diarrhea-filled death.
  • And finally: Johan Franzen looked pretty damn good. I'm still flabbergasted how quickly he came back from a major knee injury. I hope that new 7 year deal with Lucifer works out well for him.



February 6, 2010

Game #58 Red Wings at Kings

LOS ANGELES KINGS 4 - 3 DETROIT RED WINGS








February 3, 2010

Game #56 -- Red Wings at Sharks


DETROIT RED WINGS 4 - 2 SAN JOSE SHARKS


First, the sad: According to the entire Internet, Kronwall "tweaked" his leg and is doubtful for the Anaheim game. This will force Big E back into the lineup and also give Derek Meech another opportunity to improve his Norris candidacy.

Kronner is one of my favorite Red Wings of all time, but I swear, the man needs to be permanently encased in bubble wrap. And eat the head off a baby alligator or whatever the kids are doing nowadays to ward off bad voodoo.

Now let's dig into what was the biggest win of the season to date:

  • I'll start with the Wings' 4th goal, because chronological order is overrated (not just overrated, but a complete bust. Coming out of college it was highly touted and ended up being the #3 selection in the 1998 Literary Tools & Concepts Blogger Draft, but failed to live up to expectations and doomed Bleacher Report for the next decade. They tried to make up for it in following years, but high risk/high reward draft picks such as Plagiarism failed to develop). This might be my favorite goal of the year, although I am extremely prone to overreaction and bad judgment before I sleep on an idea. Or when I'm loaded with Nyquil, which makes up 85% of my day. Anywho: Darren Helm pulls off a perfect stick lift and steal, and immediately puts the Wings in business down in the San Jose zone. The puck comes to Rafalski, who makes an absolutely ludicrous pass to Patrick Eaves who was so alone on the doorstep that he could've scored twice. Beautiful hockey all around.
  • Then, this was kind of weird. The Wings had a two goal lead with like a half period to go, and they didn't lose. They didn't even give up that 3rd goal late in the game just to make you poop your pants a little bit. They completely shut it down.
  • Patrick Marleau looks like the personification of social awkwardness. Actually, not just in social settings. That narrows it down too much. You have to leave the door open for awkward pauses when he's talking to himself, or even when he's writing something on a sticky note.
"Stop at store to buy milk....

.........

..... is that note long enough? What if I get confused later? What kind of milk should I get? Oh geez, I knew this would happen. The 2% is still fatty but the skim is practically water ......

....... uh ..........

(crumples note; cries)

  • Homer was awesome in his return from injury. He finished with two assists and was robbed of a couple of goals, but most importantly looked like hadn't missed any time. They gave him the #1 star for his efforts, which in turn he wanted to give to Jonathan Ericsson as a "get well" present because Homer heard that he had a scratch.
  • Incredible job in the corners by Fil, digging a puck out and taking it to the net on the Dan Cleary goal. This turned the game around when we really didn't see any hope after the first 10 minutes. It felt great to taste the nectar of momentum again ... thank you, San Jose Sharks.
  • We match up well with the Sharks, apparently. The Wings won 4-2, even after spotting them two goals early on, and even with them on a 17-2-2 run, and hardly giving up any goals, and sporting the League's best penalty kill while the Wings still have a bottom-third road power play, and with the NHL's goal leader and a hot goalie, and hell I'll even throw in the top faceoff percentage, and they still can't beat the Wings. Lord please let us get San Jose in April. I don't ask for many things.

TOP THREE WINGS

#3 ~ Brian Rafalski .... for that pass, his work in the final minute of the game, and his 30:01 of ice time.

#2 ~ Henrik Zetterberg .... He's about to go (or already is) on one of his classic Hank runs where he strings together like four weeks of blinding brilliance and we don't give it it's full due until three and a half weeks have passed.

#1 ~ Tomas Holmstrom

February 2, 2010

Cool News


Andreas Lilja is going to playing hockey again, and soon. He'll be playing in Grand Rapids three times this week starting tomorrow night.


“He’ll practice tomorrow, and then play Wednesday, Friday and Saturday,” Holland said. “We’ll probably decide by Saturday whether we appeal for two more games, but it certainly appears that way.”


And if he can remain headache-free despite being exposed to Andy Delmore's face, he could make a semi miraculous return to the big club.

*****


Due to some technical issues our little show will have to be pushed back. On a similar note, I'm through making announcements on this blog. Between the "new site" never materializing and a podcast that didn't happen, I figure it's safe. We should be The Triple Blue Balls. So when we retire from TTD, you probably won't realize it until a month has passed since the last post and weeds are growing from between the paragraphs.

February 1, 2010

Holy God, What a Quote


"It's great, isn't it? It's called goaltending," coach Mike Babcock said.

(Khan)


We now know a couple of things about Mike Babcock. One, Ville Leino definitely had sex with his wife. When Brad May fell down while turning 90 degrees with the speed of a drunken toddler, that much became certain.

And two: he is in complete, head-over-heels manlove with Jim Howard. No "m" and "y" at the end of that bitch anymore -- he is a "Jim" from now a on. A straight up fully grown goalie dude. I preemptively cut up my credit cards to keep myself from buying a Howard #35 jersey in my sleep tonight. (I still regret that awful morning I woke up to find that an autographed Chris Shelton jersey had been over-nighted to my door.) How Osgood is supposed to read that and not hop in the sack with Leino and Mrs. 'Cock is beyond me.

We'll cover this game and the week ahead ... uh ... later. But not now. (Suck it, a Who's the Boss marathon is on.)