Game #46 -- Red Wings at Penguins

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS 4 -1 DETROIT RED WINGS

The context isn't important, but Brent sent me a text yesterday afternoon that read, "It feels like I was ass raped by a gorilla yesterday." And now I can say I know how he feels.

This was a shit bowl. A waste of two and a half hours as a Crosbyless team that was far from dominant still beat our team by three goals. Credit to Fleury for a rock solid performance, the rare times that he was called upon. This was a decidedly un-gutsy effort from a team that didn't look that interested and is fighting off a midseason malaise.

The bullets:

• The pregame included a mini-montage of Jonathan Ericsson and a brief discussion from Mick about Big E's mini-resurgence, which has become a nearly every-other-game episode. E goes into a funk for a game or two, then he comes out of it; then he goes back to making your brain bleed for a little bit, then he makes it stop momentarily. The point being, every time he has one of these little comebacks, I feel slightly less and less optimistic. Let's see him consistently win some man-on-man battles along the boards and avoid chewing his own hand for a few weeks before we go nuts.

• Our number four goaltender made news for breaking his finger and forcing our already-injured starting goalie into emergency backup duty, playing behind one Joseph MacDonald. These are things that I would not like to hear about when I'm trying to get through the rest of my life without shitting my pants.

• Legitimately disappointed as a hockey fan that Sidney Crosby didn't play this game. As a Red Wings fan just wanting to see a victory, I'll obviously take it. But as a fan of the game, not getting to see that Zetterberg-Crosby matchup takes away quite a bit of juice from what has proven to be a really good if not great modern rivalry. It's just too bad Sid sat this one out to protest the league's refusal to protect players from overly chapped lips.

• Happy birthday, Jordan Staal. As if we weren't still entirely mortified of you after the '09 Finals and that absurd hat trick a couple Novembers ago, Joey Mac all but says aloud, "I have money on the Penguins" and hands you a goal. (I loved the ensuing faceoff too, when Fil and Kronner nearly sleepwalked their way to a giveaway goal of their own. Uncanny. Through 46 games, our guys have been awake for roughly 11 total minutes of 1st period action.)

• Ridiculously bad first 12 minutes of play from the Wings, with the exception of a few Eaves/Hank/Mule shifts. Can't remember seeing that many breakaways and clean looks given up in such a short period of time. Maddening. (If you were watching the FSD broadcast, surely you noticed the video being half a second behind the audio. I found this funny; it was as if the Wings were literally playing from behind from the very start.)

• Oh God, it's Zapruder footage of the infamous preseason knee-on-knee delivered from Brooks Orpik to Johan Franzen! Unless I'm wildly mistaken, this is the first video we have seen of this incident. I remember hearing the radio call of it vaguely before blacking out and nearly drowning in a bowl of Ramen noodles. When I was revived by paramedics, the Internet was still on fire from Wings fan hatred and I felt like I was actually going to throw up. I'd rather just forget that night altogether, while still hanging onto the notion that I'd like to strap Orpik to a space shuttle and fly him into the sun.

• I'm marking 14:58 in the 2nd period as the moment I accepted that Marc-Andre Fleury was locked in and not giving up a 2-0 lead in hopes of a reverse jinx. This came after a bad angle save on Hudler that was followed by cameras catching Jiri saying "Fuck me." This marked the first time in Huds' adult life that those words were not uttered through a ball gag.

• I don't understand what has to happen to be awarded a penalty shot. Before Connor scored for the Penguins on one in the 1st period, I actually thought Yak Kindl's trip on whichever Pen that was he tripped on an obvious breakaway was a SURE penalty shot. Then the Drew Miller incident, which, I don't know, if that isn't a PS I don't know what one is. Granted, I would rather have a power play than Drew Miller on a penalty shot, but I'm just saying.
  

• [Franzen's goal, 2-1 Penguins]: Bylsma had the Staal line up against the Zetterberg line the entire game up until this goal, when the Staal line was out one shift prior to this. That put Talbot Monster's line on Hank's; Wings won the faceoff, held possession and ended up scoring with Franzen finding an opening on the left side of the net. (This was one of like three shifts where I noticed PIT not getting that matchup. Feel free to link me a site that actually tells me stuff like this so I don't throw guesstimations out there like a schmuck.) Of course, the Wings gave the Pens life back mere seconds later.

• Bernstein Advantage Player Profile on Franzen (these are always too fun not to comment on): "Hockey inspirations: Wayne Gretzky & Peter Forsberg". I find it interesting that two phenomenal playmaking centerman are the biggest hockey inspirations for a hulking power forward and deadly sniper. I mean the Gretzky thing would totally throw me off if the guy wasn't the best player ever, just going by styles of play. Sort of like if Ron Jeremy listed one of his biggest inspirations as George Clooney. (And yes, somebody nicknamed "The Mule" was the porn star in that terrible analogy.)

• Mick had some notable comments after the game. Namely that injuries aren't the biggest problem, but rather bad decisions and a loosey-goosey offensive mindset in our players that is causing them to jump up in the play too recklessly without thinking. It might be a wild idea, but in times of injury crisis like this, I would hope that "thinking" isn't one of our weaknesses.
  

What a turd of a game. Just a moldy, rotten turd. Go Wings.